Alright, let’s get real for a minute. You’ve got this fantasy—no, scratch that, we all do. It’s a beautiful, ridiculous scenario where Trump somehow, through the usual gerrymandering magic and underhanded deals, claws his way back into the White House on November 5th. The guy’s got more comebacks than a bad horror movie villain. But then, karma actually shows up for once! On November 26th, Judge Merchan throws the book at him—hard. Like, “you’re-gonna-be-counting-bars-not-ballots” hard. And just like that, not just Trump, but for good measure, the whole Trump family is headed for the big house.
Cue the popcorn, right? But here’s the thing. This? It’s never gonna happen. And deep down, we all know it.
Why? Because, like so many other moments when you hope justice will finally put on her glasses and do the right thing, reality gives you the proverbial wedgie. For starters, the whole prison scenario for Trump? Yeah, it’s about as likely as winning the lottery while getting struck by lightning and being asked to join NASA’s next mission to Mars. Turns out, if you’re rich enough, famous enough, or just loud enough, you can dodge prison time like it’s a game of dodgeball and you’re the reigning champ.
Look at the numbers—58% of people convicted of the same crimes Trump’s got hanging over his head don’t spend a single day in a cell. And you know what? That’s probably the fate for our guy too. Maybe a fine, some community service, a sternly worded letter, but actual jail time? Nah. America’s criminal justice system doesn’t exactly have a stellar track record of turning billionaires into cellmates.
And as for that other part of the fantasy? The part where the newly minted President elect J.D. Vance and Speaker Mike Johnson (the next creep in line after Hillbilly guy) go down in flames after some scandal that makes headlines like, “Caught on Tape with other prominent Republicans gangshtooping a Spotted Owl?” I mean, come on. The people in power have a knack for surviving scandals that would sink anyone else. They’d probably spin it into some kind of metaphor for “freedom” and make it a campaign slogan. “Vance & Johnson: Protecting Wildlife, One Hug at a Time.” Suddenly, they’re heroes. Still though, I get it. I have the same fantasy for their untimely demise. (Why do you hate that spotted owl so much? You people act like it stole your kitten)
Okay, so that leave would Patty Murray (president pro Tempore of the Senate) stepping up to save the day as the second unelected female president? (See Edith Wilson) Listen, I love a good underdog story as much as the next person, but it’s just not how the political game is played. Power doesn’t let go of power easily, even when it’s wrapped up in a scandalous bow. If J.D. Vance or Mike Johnson were actually caught with something even close to that level of absurdity, the spin machines would work overtime until it’s all chalked up to “fake news” or some kind of deep state conspiracy.
See, the real story here isn’t that Trump might win again or that there’s some cosmic reckoning waiting in the wings. It’s that the powerful—especially those with a certain level of fame, cash, and influence—rarely see consequences the way the rest of us do. They’ve got the kind of immunity that makes Superman look like a sneezy kid during flu season. They can afford the lawyers, the appeals, the delays. And even if a judge does come down hard, well, you’ve still got to convince the justice system to make it stick.
And look, we can fantasize all we want about seeing justice delivered in this grand, satisfying, made-for-TV way. About how somehow, this time, the system would actually work like it’s supposed to. But in the end, reality’s a stubborn thing. It’s more interested in protecting the status quo than fulfilling our daydreams about poetic justice.
So go ahead, dream of the day when Trump’s in stripes and the rest of the circus gets caught in their own traps. But just know, it’s probably staying a fantasy—because when it comes to the rich and powerful, accountability usually has an asterisk, and consequences come with a “terms and conditions may apply.”
