So guess what happened yesterday? No really—guess. Because if I told you the president signed an executive order to start dismantling the Department of Education, you’d think I was doing a bit. But no. That’s real. Donald Trump—yes, the same guy who thinks books are just expensive doorstops—has decided he’s qualified to take apart the one department that actually tries to make sure Americans know how to read past a tweet.
I mean, what’s next? Executive order to replace the Surgeon General with Dr. Oz and a bottle of Flintstone vitamins?
Let’s be clear—this is the same Department of Education that helps fund schools in poor neighborhoods, makes sure kids with disabilities get what they need, and occasionally stops schools from treating students like garbage based on race or gender. Apparently, that was just a little too helpful for this administration. Can’t have equality and decency floating around—it might infect the rest of the government.
And the best part? HE CAN’T EVEN DO THIS. Like, legally. It takes Congress to get rid of a federal department. But when has a little thing like “the Constitution” ever stopped this guy? He treats checks and balances like he treats condoms—heard of ’em, never used ’em.
The Department of Education also handles federal student loans. You know, that thing half the country is drowning in while the other half pretends they paid for college with a summer job and moral fiber. If you dismantle that department, what happens to the loans? Do they disappear? Do they get converted into NFTs? Do we all just Venmo Betsy DeVos $200 a month for the rest of our lives?
And don’t get me started on civil rights enforcement. That office inside the Department of Ed—the one that stops schools from doing blatantly racist, sexist, or ableist crap? Say goodbye. It’s like watching someone throw the fire extinguisher into the fire because “it looked too woke.”
This isn’t about making schools better. This is about turning them into vending machines for rich people’s charter school dreams while public schools get turned into daycare centers with bulletproof backpacks.
So yeah—yesterday, the president declared war on the very concept of education. And unless you want the next generation to think “photosynthesis” is a Kardashian baby name, you better start paying attention.
Because if ignorance is bliss, this administration just bought us all a first-class ticket to f***ing Disneyland.
