So, get this: Donald Trump’s got this big, shiny “Free Speech Protection” plan that’s about as protective as a wet paper bag in a hurricane. He says he’s out to defend free speech, but reading this plan is like watching someone try to build a birdhouse with a jackhammer. It’s all big words and sledgehammers where you need a chisel. I mean, the guy claims he’s going to “shatter censorship” and let everyone have a voice, but his plan for free speech is more like a toddler on a sugar rush making rules for bedtime.
Let’s start with the executive orders. Trump’s got this idea that he’ll just ban federal agencies from calling anything “misinformation” or “disinformation.” Imagine a world where the Department of Health and Human Services has to stand there, shrugging, while people claim that COVID vaccines turn you into a giraffe. Picture Homeland Security sitting on their hands while some troll on the internet’s telling you the best way to hack an election. I mean, these agencies have jobs to do—jobs like keeping you and me safe, like making sure grandma doesn’t go around drinking bleach thinking it’s the latest health fad. But no, Trump’s over here saying, “You can’t call anything misinformation!” It’s like telling the fire department they can’t call it a fire if your house is on fire. Just gotta say it’s “warm.”
Then there’s his brilliant plan to “review” federal employees who do “domestic toxic censorship.” Now, first of all, what the hell is “domestic toxic censorship”? Sounds like some weird air freshener. But we all know what this is code for: it’s an excuse to fire people who don’t play along with his agenda. Oh, you work for the government and you said something he doesn’t like? You’re outta here! This is the kind of plan you’d expect from a mob boss, not the guy who’s supposed to uphold the Constitution. You can practically hear him: “Oh, you work at the CDC? You called out misinformation about COVID? Well, that’s too ‘toxic’ for us. Pack your bags, you’re canned.” This isn’t about free speech, it’s about putting the fear of God into anyone who tells the truth when it’s inconvenient.
Now, don’t even get me started on his obsession with Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act. He wants to rip it up so tech companies have to answer for every little post, every comment, every meme. Can you imagine Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter with this rule? It’d be like going to a bar where the bouncer checks your ID, your birth certificate, your mother’s maiden name, and your zodiac sign before letting you through the door. These companies would be so busy panicking over lawsuits, they’d just block everything to be safe. Want to share a picture of your cat? Nope, too risky. Want to post a meme about last night’s football game? Better lawyer up. This isn’t “protecting free speech”—it’s like giving your grandma an ax and telling her to trim the hedges. Everything’s getting cut down.
Oh, and don’t forget his “Digital Bill of Rights.” Now this one’s a real gem. He’s saying everyone should be able to opt out of content moderation altogether. Yeah, that’s right, he’s just going to throw open the floodgates to whatever vile, ridiculous, fake news garbage people want to post. Think it’s bad now? Just wait until Aunt Karen can post her daily conspiracy theories with no fact-checking, no warnings, nothing. This isn’t protecting speech; it’s turning the internet into a carnival of chaos where anything goes. Imagine trying to scroll through Twitter, and every other post is telling you lizard people run the government. Thanks, but no thanks.
And here’s the kicker: he’s suggesting a seven-year “cooling-off” period for government employees before they can work for tech companies. Seven years! In tech terms, that’s like going to sleep with a flip phone and waking up in a world of AI-powered holograms. He’s basically telling anyone with a brain for tech policy to sit in a corner and rot. Instead of promoting healthy policy discussions between tech and government, he’s building a wall and saying, “No talking until you’ve forgotten what the hell you even did in government.” It’s like he thinks tech experts are radioactive or something. Yeah, let’s just keep those minds as far away from each other as possible—that’ll solve everything.
At the end of the day, this whole “plan” reads like a kid who only skimmed the Constitution but still thinks he should get to rewrite the thing. Trump’s out here swinging at censorship like a bull in a china shop, but all he’s doing is breaking the very thing he claims he wants to protect. Free speech isn’t about saying whatever you want without consequence—it’s about open debate, protecting truth, and ensuring everyone has a fair voice. And it is about doing it in a world where government has no legal recourse against you if you say something it doesn’t like.
But Trump’s plan isn’t any of that. It’s entirely the opposite. It’s a thinly veiled excuse to scare people, control information, and shut down anyone who won’t play ball. This isn’t a defense of free speech—it’s a slow, painful strangling of it. In short, It’s fascism, and Donald Trump should go learn the rudimentary basics of self copulation. Stick that in your censorship machine, Donny!
