Go figure. Who knew that election week would expose so many ridiculous face farts? To review, a face fart is something noxious someone says (or posts) that is such totally aerosolized shit with no substance (that still stinks) that it absolutely needs to be called out. Let’s get started:
First up, we’ve got something that lots of different people said after the appointment of Susie Wiles to the position of White House Chief of Staff. But we’re going to quote Karoline Leavitt because people like Mario Nawfal put her on blast and her normal audience of 200,000 shot into the millions. Here’s what she had to say:
“Susie Wiles just shattered a glass ceiling as the first female White House Chief of Staff in history, but Politico hates Trump so much, they ignore her accomplishments and suggest she’s an ‘enemy of democracy.’ Absolutely absurd.”
Susie Wiles just shattered a glass ceiling as the first female White House Chief of Staff in history, but @politico hates Trump so much, they ignore her accomplishments and suggest she’s an “enemy of democracy.” Absolutely absurd. https://t.co/AtNc49gD87
— Karoline Leavitt (@kleavittnh) November 8, 2024
Look, we like to see women succeed here as much as anyone on the left, and good for Susie and all that, but the absolute lunacy of a woman bragging about breaking glass ceilings when that position is literally APPOINTED. And in this case, it was appointed by a well-documented womanizer who has been found culpable in a court of law for sexual assault against a woman. This is a guy who just used his misogynist instincts to beat the second well-qualified woman in his career for the ultimate of glass ceilings. The idea is not only absurd, but is completely tone deaf. Yay for Susie: A man broke a glass ceiling for her so that she can serve under him. (Insert obnoxious fart sound here).
Next up: Laura Loomer— and while it may seem she’s one of our favorite political punching bags, the fact is she’s just so damn—punchable. Here’s what this completely classless act had to say following the election:
“Can’t wait for the mass deportations.”
Can’t wait for the mass deportations.
— Laura Loomer (@LauraLoomer) November 6, 2024
Look, we can debate immigration policy until we are blue in the face, and while some may think [wrongly] that immigrants are a nuisance, being in power also means having to not only make choices and implement policies, but to do so with some grace and humility. At the end of every one of those policy decisions are real flesh and blood human beings with lives, and families, that regardless of the reason for it, are about to experience real suffering and real difficulty. Even if you believe [again, wrongly] that these people need to be sent back to their impoverished nations to suffer out of sight, the fact is that we should never ever ever be gleeful and enthusiastic about taking actions that will hurt people. F*uk you, Laura. These are human beings.
Next up, Elon Musk. I hate to give too many column inches to the world’s richest self-serving magadouche, but this quote just had to be pointed out:
“Government handouts at the national and state level enable illegals who come here to have a standard of living that is better than half of Earth.
This creates a forcing function for half of Earth to move here.
They will do so, unless the border is secure.
QED.”
Government handouts at the national and state level enable illegals who come here to have a standard of living that is better than half of Earth.
This creates a forcing function for half of Earth to move here.
They will do so, unless the border is secure.
— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) November 8, 2024
Let’s unpack this. First off, while he has been a citizen of the United States since 2002, having emigrated from South Africa, by 2015 (13 years later and nearly a decade ago) Elon and his companies had benefitted from $4.89 BILLION DOLLARS in federal money as well as millions more in state and local grants and tax breaks.
To be fair, he arrived on our shores in 1989 -13 years before gaining his citizenship. So let’s do the math. We’ll start by discounting all subsidies and grants over the last nine years. During the first 26 years of his time in the United States, Elon benefited from approximately $5 billion at national and state levels. In round numbers then, during JUST his first 26 years as an immigrant to this country, he benefitted an average about $192.3 million dollars per year. And he has the audacity to complain that immigrants are living too high on the hog from government handouts?? You cannot make this crap up! and this is the guy that Donald Trump has tapped for the job of government efficiency, folks. ‘Nuff said.
Next up: The Hodge Twins thought they would respond to their idiot cohort “Masculine Base” (tell me you’re a beta male seeking relevance without telling me your mommy cuts the crusts off of your sandwiches) who said they want all the non-violent J6 prisoners released. The twins had this to say:
“I want the MOST VIOLENT ones pardoned
They have the same spirit as the Patriots who threw tea in Boston harbor and fired the first shots at Lexington and Concord
Those are the guys we want on our side when shit gets crazy again
They showed up to protest a stolen election while other people sat at home”
I want the MOST VIOLENT ones pardoned
They have the same spirit as the Patriots who threw tea in Boston harbor and fired the first shots at Lexington and Concord
Those are the guys we want on our side when shit gets crazy again
They showed up to protest a stolen election… https://t.co/9eEXEbK76s
— Hodgetwins (@hodgetwins) November 8, 2024
Never mind that absolutely not one person was hurt or injured during the Boston Tea Party, and never mind that there is still zero evidence that the 2020 election was stolen. We are a nation of laws. If you break those laws and a jury finds you guilty, you pay your just penalties. Wanting violent felons released from prison to serve your political agenda isn’t just stupid: It’s crazy.
And last but not least, and still packing an incredibly stanky punch, I bring you the one, the only, Juanita Broaddrick. The woman who cut her fame teeth by accusing President (then governor) Clinton of raping her. Now I can’t say what did or didn’t happen. I wasn’t there. But I will say this about Bill Clinton, who was apparently a serious creep and womanizer back in his day: You can say a lot of bad things about Bill and his habits with women, but so far I’ve seen no evidence that Bill was ever attracted to stupid women— and you don’t get much more stupid than Juanita Broaddrick. What she had to say, is the sentiment being echoed across Elon’s vanity Project, X. It may not seem like much, but a good face fart like a good @ss fart is silent but deadly, so it counts: “WE ARE THE MEDIA,” wrote Broaddrick, echoing the sentiment that Mainstream Media News is dead and X is the new press.
WE ARE THE MEDIA.
— Juanita Broaddrick (@atensnut) November 8, 2024
Basically what these people want you to believe is that reality is now a matter of public opinion, rather than well, researched, journalism from professionals, trained and experienced in investigation and research for the stories they bring you. They want you to believe that you can trust the opinions of those making the loudest and most forceful arguments over the studied, moderated, and educated words of trained journalism professionals. That’s like letting your two year old decide what the family is having for dinner because he’s the one making the biggest fuss. It’s stupid, and yet it’s starting to stink up the entire space. Don’t let it.
There you have them, folks: The Face Farts of the Week. We’ll be back to stink the place up again, next week. You’re welcome. Now will someone please open a window in here? Jesus Christ! I can’t breathe!
