You know what’s crazy? Back in the day, people thought smoking was the coolest thing ever. Cigarettes were everywhere—TV, radio, magazines. Marlboro Man had us thinking that puffing on a cancer stick would turn us into rugged cowboys riding off into the sunset. Yeah, because nothing says “healthy lifestyle” like hacking up a lung while you brand a steer.
And ladies, don’t think you were left out! Virginia Slims came in with their slogan, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Oh, sure, honey, you’ve come so far! Straight to an oxygen tank at 45. Nothing screams “progress” like women’s empowerment through emphysema.
But then—oh no!—in 1964, the Surgeon General had to come along and ruin the party, dropping a bombshell like, “Hey, guys, just FYI, cigarettes kill you.” People were shocked. Really? Sticking burning leaves into your face isn’t great for your health? Who knew?
So the government had to step in, because apparently, we couldn’t be trusted to not light ourselves on fire. Congress passed the Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act in 1970, and it was like a death sentence for all those glamorous TV and radio ads. The final commercial aired on Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” just before midnight on January 1, 1971. That’s right, at 11:59 p.m., they pulled the plug on Big Tobacco’s PR machine. Talk about a New Year’s resolution!
Can you imagine the last ad? “Virginia Slims: You’ve come a long way, baby. Now go get a Nicorette patch.”
But did the tobacco companies pack it up and go home? Oh, hell no! They’re like your creepy uncle at Thanksgiving—just when you think they’re gone, they pop up somewhere else. They took their act to magazines, billboards, and sponsorships. And get this—they even tried to sponsor sports events. Because nothing says “peak athleticism” like NASCAR drivers chain-smoking in the pit stop.
Fast forward to the ‘80s, when cigarette packs started slapping on those health warnings like, “Smoking causes cancer.” No kidding! That’s like putting a warning on tequila: “May cause bad decisions and regretful tattoos.”
Then came the ‘90s, and the lawyers got involved. The 1998 Master Settlement Agreement hit tobacco companies like a brick wall. They couldn’t advertise on billboards, no cartoon mascots, no Joe Camel. Joe was out of a job! I picture him at a bar, puffing on a cigar, muttering, “It’s political correctness gone mad.”
And today? Forget about seeing cigarette ads on TV. Now they’re stuck hiding in the back corner of convenience stores, like they’re on probation. And those warning signs? Have you seen these things? They’re horrifying! You pick up a pack, and it’s like, “Congratulations! You just bought lung cancer.”
But let’s be real. This was long overdue. The shift from sexy cigarette ads to today’s doom-and-gloom packaging shows how much we’ve wised up. We went from glamorizing smoking to making it the social equivalent of farting in church. So, here’s to January 1, 1971—the day cigarette ads got a one-way ticket to irrelevance. And if you’re still smoking? Sweetheart, you’ve definitely come a long way, baby… straight to the pulmonologist.
