So, picture it: February 24, 1920. A bunch of very angry men with very silly mustaches (except one, whose mustache would, unfortunately, go on to define an entire era of evil) are huddled together in Munich’s Hofbräuhaus beer hall. Now, you’d think they were there for the beer, a bit of schnitzel, maybe an argument over whether Beethoven or Wagner was the superior German composer. But no. They were there to launch the National Socialist German Workers’ Party—otherwise known as the Nazi Party.
And their grand idea? A lovely little 25-point plan that was basically a “How-To” guide on turning your nation into a genocidal dictatorship. Ban this, exclude that, unify this, oppress that—honestly, it was less of a political platform and more of a cry for help from men who’d clearly never been hugged properly. And, well, we all know how that turned out. Wars. Death. Some rather regrettable architecture. And worst of all, a propaganda campaign so effective that—let’s be honest—we’re still cleaning up the ideological mess today.
Now, you’d think after the Nazis got their well-deserved cosmic spanking in 1945, we’d all agree that fascism, like canned pineapple on pizza, was a mistake never to be repeated. And yet… here we are.
Germany, in a twist so ironic that even Kafka would’ve winced, has seen the rise of a far-right party called the Alternative für Deutschland (AfD), which, let’s be clear, is like your granddad saying, “I don’t think the Nazis had some bad ideas, actually,” but in a well-fitted suit. They’re gaining seats, gaining influence, and—most alarmingly—gaining confidence. “Next time we’ll come first!” they cheered after their most recent election wins. Which, I think we can all agree, is not the sort of sentence you want to hear from any group that’s even tangentially inspired by a movement that tried to exterminate large swaths of the human population.
And if you’re sitting there thinking, “Ah, but that’s Germany. We’d never let that nonsense fly here in the good ol’ US of A,” I have some troubling news: not only are we letting it fly, we’re giving it a VIP lounge at the airport and free in-flight champagne.
Exhibit A: The former and now again President Donald Trump, having barely unpacked his boxes in the White House, has issued mass pardons to about 1,500 people involved in the January 6 Capitol riot. Yes, that includes members of groups like the Proud Boys and Oath Keepers, whose hobbies include cosplay, conspiracy theories, and attempting to overthrow democracy. Now, in most societies, when you launch a violent coup, the response is not “Well done, lads! Would you like a get-out-of-jail-free card?” But here we are.
And Exhibit B: Elon Musk—yes, the man who once made a fortune convincing us that electric cars were cool—has now pivoted to full-time political stuntman, appearing at CPAC wielding a chainsaw (because of course he was), symbolizing fiscal discipline. Because nothing says, “I am an intellectual force to be reckoned with” quite like bringing a power tool on stage and waving it around like a man about to lose a limb on live television.
And who’s thrilled about all this? Neo-Nazis. Actual, real, swastika-waving, tiki-torch-carrying Nazis who have taken this moment in history as their cue to dust off their uniforms and start daydreaming about the good old days—which, for them, are the absolute worst days in modern history for literally everyone else.
Look, I know it’s all a bit grim. It’s the kind of news that makes you want to move to a remote cabin in Canada and start writing poetry about trees. But the thing is, history is practically begging us not to be idiots about this. The last time we let this nonsense slide, we ended up with six years of global carnage, unthinkable human suffering, and an entire generation who had to rebuild civilization from the rubble.
So, maybe—just maybe—when a political movement starts flirting with fascism, the correct response isn’t “Let’s hear them out” but rather “Ah, no thank you. We’ve seen this film before, and frankly, we’d like a refund.”
