Alright, folks, let’s talk about the year 1905. You know, back when men wore three-piece suits to the grocery store, women couldn’t vote, and the biggest threat to society wasn’t TikTok—it was smallpox. That’s right, smallpox! A disease that made you look like you lost a boxing match with a beehive and then died.
So Massachusetts, being full of people who actually wanted to keep breathing, said, “Hey, we’re gonna need you all to get vaccinated.” Enter Henning Jacobson, a pastor who said, “No way, government can’t tell me what to do with my body!” Which is hilarious, because you just know this guy would’ve been first in line to tell women what to do with theirs.
Anyway, Jacobson threw a fit, got fined a whopping five dollars—which was, like, a week’s rent back then—and took it all the way to the Supreme Court. And on February 20, 1905, the justices basically said, “Look, we love personal freedom as much as the next powdered-wig-wearing dude, but if your ‘freedom’ includes giving everyone a disease that turns their skin into a medieval horror show, then no. Just… no.” Justice John Marshall Harlan put it politely:
“A community has the right to protect itself against an epidemic of disease which threatens the safety of its members.”
Translation? You’re not special, Henning. Get the damn shot and shut up.
Fast-forward to 2025, and guess what? We’re still doing this. Measles—yes, MEASLES, the disease that we kicked out of this country back in 2000—is making a comeback. And not because people are flying in from the Middle Ages, but because of all the vaccine-refusers running around like Typhoid Mary’s less likable grandkids. Texas alone has 48 confirmed cases this month, all thanks to people who treat medical science the same way they treat turn signals—optional.
And just when you think it can’t get worse, BOOM! Plot twist: Robert F. Kennedy Jr.—a guy whose entire brand is peddling anti-vax nonsense—has been confirmed as the Secretary of Health and Human Services. Yes, really. The guy who spent decades pushing the debunked, scientifically bankrupt, and just plain stupid claim that vaccines cause autism? He’s running the country’s public health policy now!
It’s like putting a flat-earther in charge of NASA. Like hiring a vegan to be your butcher. Like electing a guy who went bankrupt six times to run the economy—oh wait, we already did that.
And the experts? They’re freaking the hell out. Doctors are using words like “terrifying.” (Terrifying, by the way, is not a word you ever want to hear from a doctor unless it’s about your test results.) Public health officials are saying his leadership will lead to more people refusing vaccines, which means more disease, which means more hospitalizations, which means—say it with me—completely preventable deaths!
So let’s recap: We’ve got a disease coming back that we already got rid of. We’ve got people refusing vaccines like it’s some kind of new TikTok challenge. And now we’ve got an HHS Secretary who thinks “medical science” is just a suggestion.
The Supreme Court settled this 120 years ago. The answer was no, you don’t get to spread deadly diseases just because you don’t feel like getting a shot. The real question is, are we gonna listen to the people who actually know what they’re talking about? Or are we gonna let history repeat itself until we’re all one contagious handshake away from a trip to the ICU?
