Alright, so The Washington Post decided that it’s above endorsing a candidate. They say, “Nope, not us, we’re too ‘objective’ for that.” But really, isn’t this just a glamorous, spotlight-loving stunt to appear like they’re floating above the dirty political fray? And with Jeff Bezos at the helm—Captain Neutral himself—they’ve turned neutrality into a PR power move, a real attention-getter in the middle of one of the most divisive political moments in recent memory.
Let’s talk about what this non-endorsement really means. Newspapers traditionally endorse candidates. It’s kind of a way of saying, “Hey, we care about the future of this country, and we think this person has the best shot at making it less of a dumpster fire.” But the Post? They’re sitting up there with their noses in the air, thinking, “We’re too refined for that.” Sure, the argument’s probably, “We’re unbiased!” But come on—this is the age of partisanship. When you’re too scared to make a call, it’s not noble; it’s plain old cowardice with a nice press release.
Look, there’s a difference between not having an opinion and going out of your way to let everyone know you don’t have an opinion. They’re practically calling a press conference to announce their neutrality! In a way, they’re picking sides, just with all the flair of the Academy Awards. They’re going for that classic Bezos ambiguity, where he lets both sides feel like he might secretly be in their corner, all the while standing on the sidelines, basking in the ambiguity and taking in their money for his pet projects. And this isn’t some principled stand; this is about saying, “Hey, we’re bigger than the petty politics of you mere mortals.” You just know they’re waiting for everyone to admire their restraint. Restraint? Please. This is a paper with one of the wealthiest men in the world as its owner. They’ve got the resources to make a well-informed choice, yet they’re too busy playing mysterious to step into the ring.
Imagine Bezos himself. He owns The Washington Post—he’s got his fingers in more pies than anyone could count. And now his paper is pulling this “we refuse to choose” maneuver, like he’s somehow above the fray, gracing the nation with his studied ambivalence. It’s like watching a referee refuse to call any fouls in a game, letting both sides just duke it out while he smirks on the sidelines. “Oh, I don’t need to get my hands dirty. You all figure it out.” The irony is almost poetic; here’s a guy who’s built a fortune on taking every advantage in business but won’t let his newspaper throw its weight behind a single candidate. What are they afraid of, really? Losing a few readers? Upsetting one side or the other? In reality, it’s just a trick to stay relevant and get some good old-fashioned attention.
And here’s the kicker—they’re somehow convincing people this is a smart, principled move. Think about it: in an election as split as this one, sitting on the fence is its own kind of statement. It says, “We’re too big for this fight, but we’ll still milk the controversy for clicks and headlines.” Neutrality, especially when wrapped up in this much fanfare, is really just another way to sell newspapers—or online subscriptions, or whatever Bezos is pushing now. If they were truly interested in “objectivity,” they’d keep their opinions quiet without the pomp and circumstance. But nope—they want it all: the credit for being above it and the ad revenue from the circus.
So, here we are. Everyone’s picking a side, fighting for their vision of the future, and The Washington Post is standing off to the side with its arms crossed, acting like they’re too pure for the whole thing. It’s like they’re auditioning for the role of “Nation’s Most Ethical Newspaper” without actually making a call, all while hoping both Democrats and Republicans think they’re the real MVP. Instead of doing something meaningful, they’ve turned not choosing into a full-blown brand identity. It’s the news version of “I’m not like other girls”—and I’ll bet they’re loving every second of it.
Hey! Yo, Jeff and/or Washington Post. Either pick a side or don’t, but stop pretending that taking no stance is somehow this high-minded ideal that the rest of us should aspire to. Just say it: you’re too scared of alienating readers, or maybe Bezos is worried about his other businesses/cash cows getting caught in the crossfire. Either way, it’s time to drop the act. There’s a time to be the nerdy kid that stays quiet so no one throws you in a locker, and there’s a time to stand up and be the sometimes-richest-man-in-the-world who has earned their swagger. Just sayin’…