So here we are, people. The election’s over, Trump is back in office, and now we’re just waiting for the official stamp of approval. This is like watching someone light a dumpster on fire and then calling a notary to make it official. But it’s happening, so let’s walk through what comes next because, apparently, democracy has a death wish.
December: When Adults Pretend This is Normal
First up, December 11. This is when every state has to officially sign off on its election results. State officials sit around, go, “Yeah, these numbers look legit,” and make it official. Then, on December 17, we have the Electoral College vote. Remember them? The handpicked superstars of democracy who could technically vote for anyone they want but usually just rubber-stamp what the state tells them to do. They’re like, “Well, the people spoke, so here’s Trump—again.” I’d love to see the Electoral College get a reality check. “Hey, you actually don’t have to set democracy on fire today.” But nah, we all know where this is going.
January: Let’s Make It Really Official Because, Apparently, Once Wasn’t Enough
Alright, then we hit January 6. Congress shows up, with Kamala Harris as MC, counting up the electoral votes. It’s her last gig as VP, and she gets to say, “Here you go, Trump, your presidency is official. Again.” Nothing like welcoming in your political arch-nemesis while also packing up your desk. Then, we’ve got January 20—Inauguration Day. That’s when we all get a front-row seat to four more years of whatever new “ideas” Trump has for American progress. Can’t wait.
So What Do You Do? Sit Around, Scream, Maybe Learn to Meditate?
If you’re feeling stressed right now, you’re not alone. But don’t worry; there are some options. Here’s what they say:
- Turn Off the News: The 24/7 news cycle is like staring at a pot of boiling water that you just know is going to spill all over the stove. Step away from the screen. You don’t need every second of the play-by-play.
- Try Some Deep Breathing: It’s called mindfulness, which I think is Latin for “Pretend it’s fine.” Inhale, exhale, repeat—until your news app dings and you’re out of breath again.
- Don’t Do It Alone: Connect with friends, family, or any stranger who’s also screaming at the sky right now. Build a support group or, as I like to call it, “therapy but free.”
- Take Real Action: Do something useful. Put that stress into community action, or even pick up a hobby. Who knows? Maybe we’ll all start knitting sweaters that say, “I Survived 2024.”
- Professional Help: If all else fails, and you feel like your last nerve just snapped, go find someone who gets paid to listen to people losing it over politics. They’ve been waiting for this day since 2016.
So, here we go. Hang on tight, maybe light a candle, and get ready to laugh, cry, or both. Because, folks, we’re in for one wild ride. And just remember: democracy means never having to say you’re actually okay with the results.
