So, Justin Trudeau is resigning. Yeah, let’s all take a moment—not for his politics, but for that face. That face! How are we supposed to care about parliamentary debates when we’ve been watching the Ryan Gosling of global politics turn up in a perfectly tailored suit for almost a decade? Who’s going to make budget deficits look that good now? Seriously, the man was a walking thirst trap. I mean, is there a clause in the Constitution that says we can’t just keep him around as Canada’s official Prime Minister of Instagram?
Now, don’t get me wrong. Trudeau’s resignation wasn’t just about his looks fading—spoiler alert, they haven’t—it was about his politics. He came into office in 2015 like a breath of fresh maple-scented air. Diversity, feminism, climate action—it was like Canada had found its progressive Prince Charming. But somewhere along the way, the honeymoon ended. Scandals started cropping up like bad exes showing up at your wedding.
Remember the blackface scandal? I mean, Justin, what were you doing? Canada wanted a prime minister, not a guy auditioning for Problematic Halloween Costume of the Year. And then there was the SNC-Lavalin debacle, where he was accused of pressuring the Attorney General to go easy on a big corporation. It’s like finding out your vegan boyfriend secretly works part-time at a slaughterhouse. It’s just… not a good look.
And the economy? Oof. Inflation went up faster than ticket prices for Beyoncé’s world tour. People couldn’t afford housing. Even his finance minister, Chrystia Freeland, bailed last month, which is like your best friend quitting your group chat. It’s a mess.
Then there was Trump. Oh, Trump loved to troll Trudeau. Called him weak. Mocked his eyebrows. Yes, Donald Trump, a man whose natural hair texture is “discarded bird nest,” felt bold enough to come for Justin Trudeau’s appearance. The audacity! And don’t even get me started on Trump suggesting Canada become the 51st state. Honestly, the only thing Canadians agreed on during Trudeau’s time in office was, “No thanks, we’re good.”
But let’s not pretend his resignation was entirely his idea. Within his own party, MPs were sharpening their knives and whispering about how his leadership was dragging them down. Poor Justin. First, the public turns on him, and now his own colleagues. It’s like getting dumped by your partner and ghosted by your therapist on the same day.
In his farewell speech, Trudeau said he was stepping down so Canadians could have a “real choice” in the next election. I guess that’s his way of saying, “It’s not you, it’s me. But also, it’s you.”
So here we are, Canada. A little broken, a little bruised, and a lot less cute. Sure, the next leader might be competent. They might be inspiring. But will they make you feel weak in the knees every time they smile at the G7 summit? I doubt it.
Farewell, Justin. Thanks for the memories. And the eye candy.
