Spoiler Alert: Conservatives Hate America
Alright, folks, strap in. We’re about to go on a whirlwind tour of American history—where liberalism is the engine that pulls the train forward, and conservatism is that annoying emergency brake that keeps getting yanked by people yelling, “But what about tradition?!” And just to clear this up once and for all—this is not about Democrats versus Republicans. This is about liberalism versus conservatism, two ideologies that have been duking it out since the birth of this nation. The names on the political jerseys may have switched over time, but the game has stayed the same: liberalism pushes forward, conservatism digs its heels in, and the rest of us have to watch them slow-walk through progress.
Let’s kick things off with the American Revolution. Yes, the very founding of this country was a giant liberal middle finger to monarchy and oppression. “No taxation without representation!” was basically the Founding Fathers’ way of saying, “Hey, maybe we should have a say in how we’re governed, huh?” They were liberals of their day—revolutionary thinkers challenging the old guard. And the conservatives? Oh, they were the ones sipping tea and saying, “But we’ve always had a king!” Well, tough luck, because liberalism won, and the United States was born out of a fight for freedom and self-governance.
Now, let’s jump forward to slavery, because things are about to get real. Conservatives in the 1800s were all about preserving the “natural order” and states’ rights—because apparently, nothing says “freedom” like owning other people. But the abolitionists? They were the liberal troublemakers of their time, the ones out there saying, “Uh, maybe ‘all men are created equal’ should actually mean something.” The conservatives fought tooth and nail to keep their way of life—because that’s what conservatism does: it clings to tradition, even when that tradition is horrific. But guess who won? Liberalism. Slavery was abolished, and America took a massive leap forward.
And while we’re on the subject of freedom, let’s talk women’s suffrage. You had conservatives sitting there in the early 1900s saying, “Why would women need to vote? They’ve got babies to raise and dinner to cook!” Meanwhile, liberal women—badasses like Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton—were out there, marching and protesting, saying, “Hey, we’re capable of more than domestic duties, thank you very much!” Conservatives, of course, responded by clutching their pearls (because they love clutching pearls) and ranting about how giving women the vote would destroy family values. But, as usual, liberalism came out on top, and women earned the right to vote. And guess what? The sky didn’t fall.
Next up on our liberal victory lap: Loving v. Virginia. Yes, we’re talking about interracial marriage being legalized in 1967. You know what conservatives said? “If we let people of different races marry, society will collapse! Think of the traditions!” Liberals, on the other hand, were like, “Uh, maybe people should be able to love and marry whoever they want?” And as usual, conservatives were on the wrong side of history, holding onto their tired “states’ rights” argument like a security blanket. But love won. Liberalism won. And now interracial couples can marry without the government sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong. and that was only 57 years ago! To put it into perspective, on the day of his birth, in Hawaii, President Barack Obama’s parents’ marriage would have been illegal in most conservative states!
Speaking of government sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong, let’s talk civil rights. You had conservatives (let’s be honest, mostly in the South) defending segregation, waving their Confederate flags, and shouting, “Separate but equal!” with a straight face, as if they didn’t know that the “equal” part was complete garbage. Meanwhile, liberal civil rights leaders were out there risking their lives—literally—to fight for the simple idea that maybe Black Americans should be able to vote, drink from the same water fountains, and attend the same schools as white Americans. Conservatives fought hard, invoking “states’ rights” yet again, but guess what? They lost. The civil rights movement, powered by liberalism, pushed this country closer to the ideals it was founded on—freedom and equality for everyone.
But wait—there’s more! Let’s move on to gays in the military. Conservatives, bless their hearts, thought letting LGBTQ+ folks openly serve would destroy the military. “Morale will plummet!” they cried. Meanwhile, liberals were like, “Maybe people who want to defend their country should be able to do so without hiding who they are?” After years of the ridiculous “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” nonsense, liberalism won again. LGBTQ+ Americans can now serve openly in the military, and wouldn’t you know it, the military didn’t collapse into a pile of glitter and rainbows. Shocking, right?
And now, we find ourselves in the middle of another culture war: transgender rights. Conservatives are pulling out all the stops, losing their minds over trans people using public bathrooms and playing sports. “If we let this happen, the fabric of society will unravel!” Really? Bathrooms? That’s your big fear? Meanwhile, liberals are once again at the forefront, saying, “Maybe people should be able to live their lives as their true selves without being harassed?” Conservatives cling to their “traditions” and “values,” but history shows us how this will go. Liberalism will win. Because it always does when it comes to human dignity.
And last but definitely not least, we’ve got Black Lives Matter. It’s the most recent chapter in this long-running battle between liberalism and conservatism. Conservatives are out here chanting, “All lives matter!” while completely missing the point of the movement. Black Americans are saying, “Hey, can we address police brutality and systemic racism?” and conservatives are plugging their ears, shouting “Law and order!” (which is just code for “let’s keep things the way they are”). But once again, liberals are pushing the country forward, fighting to make sure that everyone is treated equally under the law—just like it says in the Constitution.
So here’s the bottom line: Every time this country has expanded freedom—whether it’s for women, Black Americans, LGBTQ+ folks, or any other marginalized group—it’s been because of *liberalism*. Conservatism, on the other hand, has been the one standing in the doorway, yelling, “Not so fast!” and trying to hold everything back. Conservatism is about maintaining the status quo, clinging to “tradition,” and slowing the march of freedom. Liberalism? Liberalism is about pushing forward, expanding rights, and making sure that America actually lives up to its promises.
So, if you love America, you love liberalism. Because liberalism is the reason America has continued to evolve and grow. And if you’re standing in the way of progress, shouting about “the good old days” or clutching your Bible to justify keeping other people down, then you’re not just on the wrong side of history—you’re on the wrong side of America.
