Ah, the timeless tradition of diplomatic gifts. You know, those carefully curated, deeply symbolic offerings that world leaders exchange to show their mutual respect—or, in this case, their mutual enthusiasm for blowing people up. A nice bottle of wine? Too pedestrian. A rare historical artifact? Too museum-y. A handcrafted, gold-plated pager—a loving tribute to a covert assassination campaign? Ah yes, perfect.
Yes, dear friends, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu recently presented former (and alarmingly future) U.S. President Donald Trump with a golden pager. And this wasn’t just any random bejeweled trinket, oh no. This was a deliberate, gleaming homage to one of Mossad’s more creative methods of removing their enemies from the land of the living.
For those who haven’t been keeping up with the delightful world of espionage murder tactics, let’s have a little recap. Last September, Mossad pulled off a rather… shall we say, inventive operation. Using a fake company, they distributed pagers and walkie-talkies embedded with explosives to Hezbollah operatives in Lebanon and Syria. And what happened when these unsuspecting folks activated their shiny new devices? Boom. Gone. Twelve people dead, over 3,000 injured. A couple of children, some healthcare workers—because, you know, when you’re flinging exploding pagers into the mix, you’re not exactly engaging in precision warfare.
And yet, here we are, with Netanyahu handing Trump a golden version of the very same device—a little memento, if you will, to celebrate the occasion. I mean, honestly, what’s next? A platinum landmine in honor of another successful strike? A diamond-encrusted nerve gas canister to commemorate past glories? Where does one even commission something like this? “Ah yes, I’d like a custom-engraved booby trap in 24-karat gold, please. Gift-wrapped.”
Now, naturally, the human rights community is not best pleased. Human Rights Watch, for instance, has pointed out that strapping explosives to everyday consumer devices is just possibly a breach of international law. Something about being “indiscriminate” and not making any effort to avoid blowing up, say, a doctor or a child on the way to school. Silly details, really. (telegraph.co.uk)
And Trump’s reaction? “Great operation.” That’s it. Not a flicker of concern, not a moment of hesitation—just a full-throated endorsement of an attack that left thousands injured. I suppose when your moral compass is less a precision instrument and more of a wildly spinning carnival ride, this sort of thing doesn’t trouble you too much.
The problem with all of this—beyond the glaring, massive, international-law-sized issue—is the precedent it sets. If world leaders are now exchanging murder memorabilia like they’re collectible trading cards, what does that say about the state of global ethics? Should we expect a line of “Killer Collectibles” hitting the market soon? A limited-edition “Disguised Poison” series? A charming set of drone-strike cufflinks?
Diplomatic gifts are supposed to symbolize unity, respect, maybe even a shred of human decency. Not covert warfare tactics that indiscriminately maim civilians. If this is the kind of thing that gets a golden keepsake, what exactly do we reward with diamonds? A full-blown war crime?
The world has officially gone mad.
