Ah, it’s officially submarine season here at Political Coloscopy! It’s as if the world’s navies are having a “How Not to Submarine” competition. First, North Korea takes a dive, and now—brace yourselves, chaps—China’s newest nuclear-powered sub has sunk. During construction. Yes, you read that correctly. Somewhere, a stern Chinese official is probably clutching a blueprint and muttering, “Well, it wasn’t supposed to do that.”
Now, this sub, the mighty Zhou-class, was supposed to be the shining gem of China’s naval fleet, their ticket to high seas dominance. But alas, like a flamboyant debutante tripping over her gown, the sub went under before it even made it out to sea. You can just picture the Chinese admirals gaping, monocles dropping in unison. “Oh, bother!” they might exclaim, followed by a frantic search for someone—anyone—to blame.
But this is where it gets truly marvelous: the cover-up. You’d think they’d call it a day, admit defeat, and go for a cuppa. But no! China goes full Basil Fawlty. Their solution? A desperate crane operation to yank the sub out, hoping no one would notice. It’s like trying to hide an elephant behind a doily. Not to be outdone by logic, they forgot about those pesky satellites in space that snapped the whole thing, exposing their blunder like a celebrity caught in yesterday’s tracksuit.
The absurdity is rich. Nuclear submarines are supposed to be marvels of engineering—a bit like Bond in his Aston Martin: sleek, stealthy, and deadly. Instead, China’s latest nautical venture has ended up more Mr. Bean than James Bond. They’ve managed to create a “submersible” that can’t wait to get underwater—while still in the dock. It’s the epitome of what our friends at TV Tropes call “Reality Is Unrealistic.”
China, dear China. In your attempt to rival the West, you’ve instead given us this grand farce. It’s like watching an opera where the fat lady has already sung, and the curtains have fallen, but the performers keep flailing around on stage. The rest of us can only sit back, brew ourselves another pot of Earl Grey, and relish in the pure spectacle of it all.
