Alright, let me paint you a picture. It’s early October, and dockworkers across the East and Gulf coasts decide, “You know what? We’ve had enough of these lousy 50% pay raises on the table.” So what do they do? They strike, like a teenager storming off because they didn’t get the newest iPhone for their birthday. They want 77%. Yeah, you read that right—77% over six years. Meanwhile, the rest of us out here are scraping for a 3% bump and praying our rent doesn’t go up.
The strike? It lasted three days, and now they’ve “agreed” to go back to work, but only until January 2025. That’s right, they’re clocking back in, but like an ex coming back to “talk,” you know this isn’t over. Come January, we’re in for another round of labor drama, just as we’ve barely recovered from the holiday shipping chaos.
Let’s talk about that 62% raise they finally accepted. Sixty-two percent! That’s like getting a Tesla as a Christmas gift and saying, “Eh, what’s with the cloth seats and generic wheels? I deserve premium, buddy.” I don’t know about you, but if my boss came to me and said, “Hey, we’re giving you a 62% raise over the next few years,” I’d be like, “Great! Can I get fries with that?” On second thought, Noel? Are you reading this? How about a little walking around money, bud? I digress. Most of us would be thrilled with a 62% bump, but these guys? Not enough. They still wanted more. It’s like that friend who keeps showing up to your birthday party, eating all your cake, and then complaining that there’s no ice cream.
Now, before you think it’s just about money, there’s more. They’re also fighting against automation. I get it, nobody wants to be replaced by a robot. But come on, it’s 2024! My groceries are delivered by drones, and I’m pretty sure my phone’s spying on me. We can’t stop the robots, people. But these dockworkers are ready to die on that hill, demanding a ban on automation like it’s some kind of sci-fi movie where they’re holding off Skynet. Never mind the benefits of automation to the rest of us. When products move at optimum efficiency, guess who is enjoying them faster? Gold star if you said “we do.” Too bad we can’t strike until we get our stuff 77 percent faster! Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here waiting for our Amazon orders, hoping our Christmas presents don’t end up stuck in some port container, collecting dust.
And let’s talk about the impact on the economy. During the three-day strike, container ships started piling up offshore like they were waiting to get into a Taylor Swift concert. Two billion dollars’ worth of goods usually flow through these ports daily. That’s bourbon, bananas, clothing, chemicals—you name it. But thanks to this little walkout, all that got put on pause while the dockworkers did their best impression of a hostage negotiation. “You want your goods? Cool, cough up a 77% raise or we’ll hold onto those crates like they’re the last lifeboats on the Titanic.”
So what’s going to happen come January? Probably the same thing all over again. These guys will head back to the negotiation table, puffing out their chests, demanding even more. It’s like watching a kid at a candy store who keeps reaching for more jelly beans, even though his hands are already full. The rest of us will be stuck here waiting, hoping they don’t shut down the ports right as we’re trying to return that ugly sweater Aunt Mildred bought us.
Look, I get it—everyone wants a bigger piece of the pie. But at some point, we’ve gotta ask, “How big is this pie, exactly?” They’re pushing for every last crumb while the rest of us are stuck making do with the crust.
