Let’s start with a hard truth, folks: the media this week turned a scandal molehill into Mount St. Overreaction. President Joe Biden pardoned his son, Hunter, and every talking head in the country lost their minds. And by “lost their minds,” I mean they’re sprinting into the realm of absurdity like they’re trying to outrun facts—only to trip over their own shoelaces. But before we start awarding medals for mental gymnastics, let’s break this down and explain why this entire situation is dumber than a screen door on a submarine.
Hunter Biden’s so-called “crimes” include late tax payments and lying on a gun form. That’s it. Tax evasion and gun laws? That’s not a scandal; that’s Thanksgiving dinner in America. Half your uncles are guilty of the same thing, and the other half are bragging about getting away with worse. Let’s be real—if the law went after everyone with late taxes and bad judgment, half of Congress would be sharing bunk beds at Leavenworth.
And don’t get me started on the “gun charge.” Hunter Biden bought a gun while battling addiction. Yes, it’s illegal. But you know what else is illegal? Filing a fake application for a gun license—and yet Kyle Rittenhouse became a folk hero for the same crowd outraged at Hunter. It’s like people don’t care about the law until it happens to someone they hate. Then suddenly they’re quoting penal codes like a Karen at a Homeowners’ Association meeting.
Meanwhile, Donald Trump Jr. could probably stab someone on Fifth Avenue with a golden fork inscribed “Dad’s Favorite” and get a Fox News special called Patriot Son: The Eric We Wish We Had.
But the media didn’t stop there. No, they’ve taken this story and wrung it out for all it’s worth, like that one kid in high school who insists he “totally almost made varsity” every time you bring up sports. They’re screaming about “double standards” and “optics” as if pardoning your politically targeted son is somehow the same as pardoning Roger Stone, a man whose face screams “I sell snake oil to retirees.”
Here’s where it gets rich. The same people who called Trump “strong” for handing out pardons like Oprah handing out cars are now clutching their pearls so hard they’re gonna need physical therapy. News flash: Joe Biden didn’t just pardon Hunter—he exposed how ridiculous this witch hunt was from the start. And let’s be honest, if Hunter’s last name was Smith, the most he’d be facing is a fine and a stern finger-wagging from the IRS.
But no, the media wants us to believe this is a massive scandal. Why? Because it’s good for ratings. The outrage machine doesn’t run on facts—it runs on fear and indignation, like a coal train powered by tears of hypocrisy.
And that brings us to this week’s ignoble winner of PoliticalColonoscopy.com’s Skidmark of the Week: the news media itself. Why? Because holding Joe Biden to a higher standard than Donald Trump is like giving gold medals to someone for failing a drug test because “at least he tried really hard.”
Let me put it another way: Joe Biden pardoning Hunter is like giving your kid an umbrella because a hurricane’s coming and the neighbors are throwing rocks at your house. The media’s reaction? It’s like setting your own pants on fire to protest global warming.
Remember when Trump pardoned Paul Manafort, a guy who literally took blood money from oligarchs? Or Steve Bannon, a man whose own crimes commit crimes of their own? Sure you do. It was buried under 400 hours of coverage about Hillary Clinton’s emails—and 4000 reminders that Bill Clinton got blown by an intern in the oval.
Here’s the kicker: the media’s overreaction isn’t just absurd; it’s revealing. It shows us exactly how deeply broken our political discourse has become. Joe Biden pardoned his son, not because Hunter was innocent, but because the charges against him were as selectively enforced as the dress code at a Waffle House.
So let’s call this what it is. The media isn’t outraged because justice wasn’t served—they’re outraged because their ratings weren’t. It’s not about accountability; it’s about advertising dollars. And in their rush to create a scandal, they’ve proven they care more about clickbait than credibility.
President Biden’s pardon wasn’t just right—it was necessary. And the media’s outrage? It deserves its place as the week’s most embarrassing footnote. Or, in this case, the most enduring stain.
So congratulations, mainstream media. You’re not just a skidmark; you’re the ruination of whole pair of underwear.
