Let’s talk about Senator John Neely Kennedy—the political equivalent of gum stuck to your shoe. You try to ignore it, but it keeps dragging you down with every step, leaving a mess wherever it goes. Kennedy, who somehow managed to get degrees from Harvard and Oxford, has turned playing the “good ol’ boy” into an art form. The man can quote Shakespeare but chooses to sound like a malfunctioning fortune-teller at a state fair. He’s the type of politician who acts like he just got off the tractor but wouldn’t know a plow from a Proust novel. And yet, somehow, this week he outdid even his own brand of self-satisfied ignorance during a Senate hearing on hate crimes.
Now, hate crimes are a serious issue. You know, the kind of thing that affects real people, involves real suffering, and demands real solutions. But Kennedy approached this hearing with all the gravity of a guy debating which fast-food chain has the best fries. He walked into the room like he was getting ready for a talent show, not a policy discussion. And his chosen talent? Being a condescending, out-of-touch loudmouth with all the self-awareness of a garden gnome.
Kennedy’s main target? Maya Berry, Executive Director of the Arab American Institute. Now, Maya Berry is a woman who knows her stuff. She’s spent years fighting discrimination, tracking hate crimes, and, unlike Kennedy, actually understanding the issues. But Kennedy treated her like she’d just wandered in off the street with a clipboard full of crazy conspiracy theories.
From the moment Berry started speaking, Kennedy was in full “hold my beer” mode, interrupting her left and right like it was his job to win a speed-talking contest. One of his first gems? “Do you think hate crimes are more dangerous when committed by certain groups?” That’s right, folks—he kicked things off with a question so dumb it could lower your IQ just by hearing it. It’s like asking, “Is fire hotter when it burns Republicans?” Maya Berry, being a professional, gave a serious answer, explaining that all hate crimes are dangerous. But Kennedy, having the emotional maturity of a traffic cone, wasn’t interested in real answers.
Not satisfied with merely sounding ignorant, Kennedy decided to up the ante with another brain-buster: “Would you agree that all terrorists are bad people?” Yeah, that happened. Kennedy, a U.S. senator, asked a grown woman, in a formal Senate hearing, to confirm whether bad guys are, in fact, bad. Thank you, Senator Kennedy, for your searing insight. Next, maybe you can tackle the real hot-button issues, like whether stepping on a rake hurts or if wet towels are annoying.
But the pièce de résistance came when Kennedy, clearly frustrated that Berry wasn’t falling for his nonsense, delivered this masterpiece of middle-school bullying: “Maybe you should wear a bag over your head if you’re going to talk like that.” Yep. In a hearing about hate crimes, Kennedy’s big move was to drop a sexist insult straight out of a 1980s locker room. Because nothing says “I’m losing this argument” like telling a woman to cover her face. What’s next, Kennedy? Telling her to go make a sandwich? You could practically hear the collective cringe of every adult in the room.
Berry, to her credit, didn’t flinch. She handled Kennedy’s childish taunts with all the dignity he lacks, continuing to explain the realities of hate crimes while Kennedy floundered like a guy trying to argue with a brick wall. It was like watching a chess player try to reason with someone who thinks the pieces are snacks.
But Kennedy wasn’t done embarrassing himself. He continued to pepper Berry with pointless questions, like “Would you say some hate crimes get less attention?” as if he were trying to trick her into saying something that could fit into a sensational headline. It was clear that he wasn’t there to learn anything or to help solve the problem of hate crimes—he was there to make noise and throw verbal spaghetti at the wall, hoping something would stick. Spoiler alert: nothing did.
Now, why does Kennedy win Skidmark of the Week? Well, it’s not just because he was uninformed—that’s practically a job requirement in Congress. It’s because he turned a Senate hearing on a critical issue into a personal circus, complete with cheap insults and meaningless grandstanding. He wasn’t there to discuss solutions, he was there to push his agenda of bad-faith arguments and fearmongering, all while flashing that infuriating “aww shucks” grin, like he’s everyone’s lovable, bumbling uncle. Except he’s not lovable—he’s an insufferable windbag who thinks being loud is the same as being right.
The real kicker is Kennedy probably left that hearing thinking he nailed it, that he “owned” Maya Berry with his quick wit and folksy charm. But in reality, he came off as a man who not only missed the point, but used a GPS to drive in the exact opposite direction. His behavior wasn’t just embarrassing—it was dangerous. By belittling the subject of hate crimes and turning it into a joke, he trivialized the very real pain of the victims affected by this violence. He didn’t just fail to add anything of value; he actively subtracted from the conversation.
So, congratulations, Senator Kennedy. You’ve earned this week’s Skidmark of the Week in spectacular fashion. You took an opportunity to address a serious issue and turned it into a stand-up routine that no one asked for. You insulted an expert, made a fool of yourself, and left everyone in the room dumber for having listened to you.
And by the way, Senator, if anybody should wear a bag over their head, it’s you.
Kennedy is a Prick,just lie His ilk