This week’s Skidmark of the Week award goes to Senator John Fetterman, who managed to do what no one thought possible: make Democrats miss Joe Manchin. In a masterclass of political faceplants, Fetterman spent the week torching his reputation and his base’s faith in him like he was auditioning for a spot in Trump’s next rally lineup. Congratulations, Senator. You’re now officially the punchline to the longest-running joke in politics: bipartisanship.
It started with Fetterman joining Truth Social—because nothing says “I’m here for the people” like diving headfirst into Trump’s conspiracy swamp. His first post? Calling the legal cases against both Trump and Hunter Biden “bulls—.” Bold move. Most Democrats would defend Biden’s son, sure—but defending Trump? That’s like calling Jeffrey Dahmer’s recipes “innovative.” Fetterman didn’t just critique the system; he stood up, waved a MAGA flag, and screamed, “Lock her up!” at his own reflection.
But Fetterman wasn’t done showing off his new Trump-themed friendship bracelet. He heaped praise on Elise Stefanik, Trump’s favorite megaphone, as the “ideal choice” for U.N. ambassador. Let’s unpack this. Stefanik has spent years railing against the Democratic Party, championing election lies, and defending insurrectionists. So naturally, Fetterman thought, “Yeah, that’s the person I want negotiating global peace.” Stefanik’s about as qualified for diplomacy as a middle finger in a Miss Manners etiquette seminar, but sure, let’s hand her the keys to international relations.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get weirder, Fetterman met with Pete Hegseth, Fox News’s resident spin doctor, who’s been nominated for Defense Secretary. That’s right—the man best known for hot takes like “COVID isn’t real” and “war is like CrossFit but with explosions” is being considered to run the Pentagon. When asked about the controversy, Fetterman said he didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Of course he didn’t. The guy just joined Truth Social. He probably thinks Hegseth’s military strategy involves defending the Capitol with memes.
But the pièce de résistance was Fetterman’s stance on the Nancy Mace “attack.” Witnesses described it as a handshake—an actual handshake. But according to Mace, it was practically an assassination attempt. And Fetterman? He sided with her, doubling down on the drama like a high school theater kid auditioning for Macbeth. Mace, for context, once claimed she was attacked by her own words and lost. Yet Fetterman thought it was wise to back her version of events. You can almost hear the Democratic Party facepalming in unison.
So why is Fetterman doing this? Maybe he’s angling for a MAGA-friendly rebrand. Maybe he’s trying to unite the country by alienating everyone. Or maybe he’s just really into political masochism. Whatever the reason, one thing’s clear: John Fetterman isn’t just crossing the aisle—he’s moonwalking into it while throwing up jazz hands.
And that’s why Fetterman is this week’s Skidmark of the Week. Not just for abandoning his principles, but for doing it so spectacularly, he left skid marks on the entire political landscape. If this is his idea of bipartisanship, I can’t wait to see what his version of loyalty looks like. Probably something involving a knife, a back, and a follow-up Truth Social post about how it was “taken out of context.” Bravo, Senator. You’ve made politics funny again—just not in the way you hoped.
