Let’s give a big, warm, transatlantic round of applause for our Skidmark of the Week, the Vice President of the United States, JD Vance. Oh, come on, he earned it. This week, Vance took a little European vacation, and instead of enjoying a croissant or some schnitzel like a normal tourist, he decided to insult an entire continent.
First stop: The Munich Security Conference, where serious people talk about serious global threats. But JD Vance? Oh no, he didn’t come to talk about Ukraine, or Russia, or even China—he came to tell Europe that their biggest threat… is themselves. That’s right, folks. The guy who works under Donald Trump, the man who made “alternative facts” a thing, thinks Europe’s biggest problem is too much democracy.
Vance went full Reddit rant, hitting everything from Romania’s election annulment (“What, you guys can’t handle a little Russian interference?”) to Germany’s online speech laws (“You arrested someone for being a sexist troll? In America, we put those guys in Congress!”). Then there was Sweden convicting a guy for burning Qurans, which Vance framed as an attack on free speech. Because nothing screams “supporting democracy” like cheering for public book burning.
And the UK? Vance had a problem with buffer zones around abortion clinics, calling it an attack on freedom. Because nothing says “liberty” like screaming at a traumatized woman just trying to make a private medical decision. If JD Vance had been around in medieval times, he’d be outside the apothecary, yelling at women for using herbs.
Now, if you thought that was bad, hold onto your lederhosen. Because then Vance decided to meet with Alice Weidel, the leader of Germany’s far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD) party—you know, the one that’s so racist even Germany is like, “Whoa, maybe dial it back a little?” That’s right, JD Vance looked around, saw every mainstream German politician treating AfD like they had an airborne virus, and said, “I wanna shake their hand.”
Germany was furious. Imagine it’s your wedding, and someone brings your racist uncle who wasn’t invited. And he starts giving a speech. That’s what JD Vance did to Europe. German Defense Minister Boris Pistorius couldn’t believe it. He was like, “Did this guy just compare our democracy to authoritarian regimes?” And JD Vance was like, “Yep. Now hold my beer, I’m not done offending you yet.”
Because then—then—he got asked about Elon Musk meddling in Germany’s election by promoting the AfD, and Vance laughed it off. Oh yeah, he said, “If American democracy can survive 10 years of Greta Thunberg’s scolding, you guys can survive a few months of Elon Musk.” Oh, that’s great. Fantastic. He just compared a climate activist to a billionaire interfering in a national election.
You have to understand, Germany is really touchy about far-right movements. I don’t know if you’ve heard, but they had a bad experience with one once. And JD Vance just walked into their house, put his feet up on the coffee table, and said, “Hey, why don’t you guys let the Nazis talk? What’s the worst that could happen?”
So now, Europe is pissed, the U.S. is embarrassed, and JD Vance? He’s probably back in D.C. thinking, “Nailed it.” But the thing is, JD Vance didn’t just offend people—he actively made things worse for America. The U.S. and Europe already have enough problems, and now we’ve got our Vice President palling around with the worst people in the room like a guy at a party who just has to tell you about his favorite conspiracy theory.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why JD Vance is our Skidmark of the Week. Because when you go to Europe, make friends with racists, mock their democracy, and act like free speech means “I get to be a jerk, and no one can stop me”—you don’t just come home with jet lag. You come home with an international embarrassment.
