If democracy is for sale, Miriam Adelson is that one rich bidder who rolls up, doesn’t even look at the price tag, and says, “I’ll take two.” Her recent $95 million drop into Donald Trump’s super PAC is less of a donation and more of a straight-up purchase . You know, like when someone buys beachfront property in Miami, knowing full well it’s gonna be underwater in 20 years—but hey, it’s all about the view.
Now, let’s not act like she’s the only one rolling in with bags of cash like it’s Scrooge McDuck’s vault. She’s got competition. Elon Musk is out there tossing around $140 million like it’s a tip for valet parking . It’s like a billionaire bake sale, except instead of cookies, they’re bidding for who gets to screw us all over the hardest. Miriam isn’t even the top donor here—she’s just the latest contestant on “Who Wants to Buy a Democracy?” She didn’t invent the game, she’s just really damn good at playing it. (Side note: Elon and Donald will never be chosen as our weekly Skidmark, because between them, it’s just a given that they are always the whole damn diaper genie overflowing)
But what makes her special? Well, it’s not just that she’s handing Trump a small country’s GDP to get him re-elected. It’s what she’s buying with that money: a one-way ticket to annex the West Bank . Oh yeah, she’s not just supporting Trump because she thinks he’s a charming dude who knows how to work a crowd (because, spoiler alert, he isn’t, and he doesn’t). She’s backing him because she’s got unfinished business in the Middle East. Trump’s presidency is her personal gift card for a “Take Over Palestine Free” deal. She’s got $95 million riding on it, so you better believe she’s going to get her money’s worth.
But here’s the fun part. Miriam Adelson received the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Trump in 2018. Yes, the same award that went to Rosa Parks. Let that sink in. Rosa Parks fought for civil rights, and Miriam Adelson bought a ticket to her own personal empire. That’s like giving an Olympic gold medal to the guy who paid to build the pool. If the Medal of Freedom was once about honor, now it’s about whoever can drop the most zeros at the end of a check.
And listen, I’m not saying she’s the only one turning our democracy into a pay-to-play playground. There’s Elon Musk, Richard Uihlein—hell, even the Koch brothers are probably rolling their eyes at this point. But Miriam? She’s not buying influence; she’s straight-up paying for the keys to the kingdom. And the rest of us? We’re just watching from the cheap seats, clutching our $25 donations like they’re gonna matter.
But Miriam, you’ve earned it. You are Skidmark of the Week—and not just because of the $95 million you dumped into a Trump-shaped hole. No, it’s because you represent everything that’s gone wrong with American politics. Democracy isn’t a marketplace, but you’ve treated it like an Amazon Prime Day sale, snagging deals and picking up freebies for your personal wishlist. While the rest of us vote, hoping we’ll make a difference, you’re in the backroom making sure the policies we care about never see the light of day.
So yeah, Miriam, congrats on buying your seat at the table. Just remember, that table is already crowded with a bunch of other billionaires, and let’s be honest—you’ve all paid a lot of money to ruin democracy for everyone else. Hope the view’s worth it.
