Ah, mass deportation. Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? A simple, elegant solution to all our problems—if your idea of “solving” is lighting hundreds of billions of dollars on fire while simultaneously kneecapping the U.S. economy. Let’s take a little journey together, shall we? A journey where we explore just how brilliant (sarcasm heavily implied) it would be to deport all 11 million undocumented immigrants, and—spoiler alert—it’s the worst idea since New Coke. And, more importantly, I’ll show you why documenting these immigrants is not only the moral choice but the fiscally smart one.
Deportation: Or, How to Spend Hundreds of Billions to Make Things Worse
Okay, picture this: Donald Trump wakes up, tweets something about mass deportations, and the U.S. government gets cracking. First, let’s look at the cold, hard numbers. Deporting just one person costs about $14,000. Multiply that by 11 million, and voila—congratulations! You’ve just spent $150 billion to evict people who, for the most part, are minding their own business and working jobs no one else wants . But don’t worry, it gets worse!
It turns out, running a mass deportation program isn’t cheap. You don’t just tell 11 million people to go home like they’ve overstayed their welcome at a barbecue. You need detention centers, court hearings, transportation—oh, and an entire army of ICE agents. This means the total bill? Upwards of $600 billion over a decade . I mean, hey, why spend that money on healthcare or education when you can pour it down the deportation drain?
But don’t think the pain ends there. This isn’t just a financial issue. Deporting 11 million people doesn’t exactly do wonders for the workforce. Take the construction industry, for example. Who’s going to build all those new luxury condos? Turns out, about 14% of the construction workforce is undocumented . So yeah, good luck getting that kitchen renovation done anytime soon.
And let’s not forget about the food you’ll need to eat while you’re waiting for your unfinished house. Here’s a fun fact: 50% of agricultural workers are undocumented . Without them, who’s harvesting those strawberries you love? Who’s picking your lettuce? I hope you’re prepared for a future of sky-high food prices. Welcome to the new “No Salad Left Behind” act.
The kicker? Deporting these workers would shrink the U.S. economy by up to 6.8%, a hit that mirrors—you guessed it—the Great Recession . It’s like we’re playing a nationwide game of “How low can GDP go?” And newsflash: The answer is really low.
Documenting Immigrants: The Solution We Can Actually Afford
But wait! What if I told you that instead of spending $600 billion to destroy the economy, we could spend $66 billion to save it? Yeah, I know—crazy, right? But hear me out: Processing these undocumented immigrants for legal status costs a fraction of the deportation bonanza . Six thousand bucks a person, and boom—they’re legal. You save money, avoid crashing the economy, and you even get some sweet, sweet tax revenue in the process.
Here’s the thing: When you give undocumented workers legal status, they earn more. And when they earn more, they spend more. A lot more. How much more? Try $1.4 trillion added to the U.S. economy over the next decade . You can almost hear the sound of those dollar bills slapping into cash registers across the country.
And here’s where it gets even better: Legalized immigrants pay more taxes. Right now, undocumented workers already contribute $19 billion a year in taxes . But legalizing them would push that up by another $2.18 billion a year . So now we’re talking about more money for schools, hospitals, firefighters—basically all the things that make living in a functional society tolerable.
And let’s not forget Social Security and Medicare—those programs that your grandparents rely on, which could always use a few extra bucks. Undocumented workers already pay into these programs—$22.6 billion into Social Security, $5.7 billion into Medicare—but can never collect from them . But when we legalize them? They’ll pay even more, helping to shore up programs that keep millions of Americans afloat.
The Moral of the Story: Why Are We Even Talking About Deportation?
Here’s the real question: Why on earth are we even considering mass deportation? The math doesn’t work, the economy would tank, and the human toll—tearing apart families, destabilizing communities—is nothing short of catastrophic. Yet, for some reason, we keep pretending that deporting 11 million people is a viable solution to anything.
Documenting undocumented workers isn’t just the humane choice—it’s the smart one. It costs less, it helps the economy, and it keeps families together. It’s like one of those no-brainer decisions: “Should I light my hair on fire, or should I invest in a fire extinguisher?” But hey, in today’s political climate, nothing shocks me anymore.
So, in conclusion: Deporting 11 million people? Terrible idea. Documenting 11 million people? Brilliant idea. You save money, strengthen the economy, boost Social Security, and, oh yeah, maybe—just maybe—preserve the soul of a nation built on immigrants.
Now, if we can just get everyone to agree that spending $600 billion to destroy the economy is a bad thing, we might actually be able to move forward. But, you know, baby steps.
