Forget the long-held symbol of a donkey to represent the Dems. Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia is no such creature. He’s really just a horse’s ass. You’d think being a Democrat would mean, I don’t know, supporting Democratic policies every once in a while? But no, Joe has built his entire career out of blocking his own team and making sure any progress is slower than a horse-drawn cart stuck in the mud.
In his latest performance, he’s refusing to endorse Vice President Kamala Harris for president because she wants to—gasp—get rid of the filibuster to pass a national abortion law. Apparently, preserving the filibuster — that Senate rule that’s older than dirt and twice as useless — is more important to Joe than, say, protecting women’s rights. But honestly, are we even surprised? Manchin has spent years proving that he’s a Democrat in Name Only (DINO), or as I like to call him, a complete and total horse’s ass—or Jackass if you prefer!
So, let’s trot through some of Joe’s finest moments — all the times he’s left Democrats shaking their heads and reaching for a drink stronger than coffee.
1. Build Back Better? More Like “Block Back Better”
Ah, the Build Back Better Act. It was ambitious, progressive, and full of things that would actually help the American people — climate action, healthcare, education. But Joe? Nope. He took one look at that and said, “Not on my watch.” Manchin basically single-handedly killed the bill after months of toying with his own party like a cat batting around a half-dead mouse. Why? Because, apparently, spending money to help people is outrageous when you’re from a state where coal mines are considered luxury real estate. It’s like he saw a lifeboat and decided to poke holes in it because “too many people are getting saved.”
2. Filibuster Fanboy
Speaking of useless relics, Manchin has treated the filibuster like it’s his emotional support animal. Every time Democrats try to eliminate this outdated, obstructionist rule to get things done, Joe blocks it like a bouncer at a VIP club who’s way too into his job. Voting rights? Climate action? Women’s rights? Sorry, those don’t fit into Joe’s filibuster-obsessed vision of “bipartisanship,” which, by the way, is about as real as a unicorn.
3. Coal Is His Love Language
Manchin is so in love with coal, it’s like West Virginia’s fossil fuel industry sends him flowers on Valentine’s Day. Every time Democrats try to do anything remotely positive for the environment, Joe shows up with his big bucket of coal dust and smothers it. He tanked critical climate provisions in the Build Back Better bill because, well, protecting the planet didn’t jive with his personal stock portfolio. Forget polar bears or the future of the Earth — as long as Joe can keep West Virginia’s coal barons happy, everything’s fine!
4. Voting Rights? Not if Joe’s in Charge
You’d think, as a Democrat, Manchin would be all in on protecting voting rights. But no, that would be way too simple. He opposed the For the People Act, a bill designed to protect voting rights and clean up the corrupt disaster that is campaign finance. Joe insisted it was too “partisan.” You know, because apparently, making sure people can vote is a divisive issue now.
5. Bipartisanship Fantasy Island
Joe Manchin talks about bipartisanship like it’s some magical island where Republicans and Democrats hold hands and sing “Kumbaya.” He’s always chasing that mythical dream of reaching across the aisle, even though the other side has long since burned the bridge. Every time the Democrats need him to actually do something — anything! — he pulls out the ol’ “we need bipartisan solutions” line. As if he hasn’t noticed that the Republican Party has been busy burning the house down while Joe’s still inside trying to negotiate for a fire extinguisher.
Why Manchin’s Non-Endorsement is a Gift in Horse’s Ass Disguise
And now, the cherry on top: Manchin refusing to endorse Kamala Harris for president. Honestly, this is great news. The people who actually like Manchin? They’re probably Republicans or the kind of Democrats who wish he were running for president. These are not people who were ever going to vote for Harris in the first place. In fact, Joe not endorsing her might actually boost her standing with the rest of the Democratic base who are sick of his obstructive nonsense.
At this point, Manchin is like that one grumpy uncle who refuses to stop talking about how things were better “back in the day.” His refusal to endorse Harris only reminds us that he’s standing in the way of progress, and if anything, it will rally the base to back Harris even harder — because nothing unites Democrats like sticking it to Joe Manchin.
So, thank you, Joe. You’ve once again proven that you’re more of a horse’s ass than a Democratic senator, and in doing so, you might have just given Kamala Harris the push she needed to rally the voters who are tired of politicians standing in the way of progress. Now, kindly trot back to West Virginia and let the rest of us get to work.
In short, Manchin should just go Trump himself for all the good he’s doing us. Will someone please get this wanna be jackass a proper MAGA hat?
