Alright, let’s talk about Puerto Rico, that beautiful tropical island where, if you’re an American citizen, you can’t vote for president, but hey, don’t worry, you still get to pay federal taxes! Puerto Ricans serve in our military, they pay into our systems, and they contribute to our economy. But when it comes to voting? Nope. Not a chance. Puerto Rico is America’s very own “ghost citizen,” hanging out at the democracy party, but kept away from the voting booth like they’re gonna spill punch all over the Constitution.
On October 27th, at a rally in Madison Square Garden, we got another lovely reminder of how certain politicians view Puerto Ricans. I won’t repeat the actual words (because my blood pressure couldn’t handle it), but trust me, they went beyond “uninvited guest” and hit right at “garbage,” “lazy freeloaders,” and the kind of nonsense that would make a medieval king sound progressive.
But, here’s the thing. The real horror show isn’t just what was said at the garden. It’s what hasn’t been said in Washington for the last century. Politicians who are otherwise civil, decent folks—people who’d be the ones tut-tutting at the rally’s language yesterday—are still sitting on their hands and doing squat about Puerto Rico. And let me tell you, doing nothing is every bit as bad as shouting insults. It’s like watching someone steal your car but doing nothing because they’re technically not breaking the speed limit.
Imagine you’re in a relationship, and your partner brings their best friend around all the time—someone who eats your food, never pays rent, and doesn’t even replace the toilet paper. That’s Puerto Rico, except instead of it being just annoying, it’s 3.24 million people, taxpaying, working, life-risking American citizens with zero political representation. That’s right, they’re our nation’s most reliable non-voters because we flat-out refuse to let them vote.
Look, Puerto Ricans have been citizens since 1917, when the Jones Act was passed. But what the Jones Act really did was say, “Hey Puerto Rico, congrats! You’re Americans now! But don’t go thinking this is like being ‘regular’ American. No, you’re the diet version.” You get drafted, you get to pay taxes, but when it comes to actually voting? Forget it. You get to watch the rest of the country live out democracy from your place on the sidelines like it’s a spectator sport.
Now, Puerto Ricans have done their part. They’ve tried referendums. They’ve had votes on statehood multiple times. In 2020, they leaned toward statehood again, only to be met by Congress doing what Congress does best: pretending this issue doesn’t exist. It’s like if your kid came up to you and said, “I want to go to college,” and you responded by giving them a milk carton and sending them back outside. Congress looks at Puerto Rico, sees the 3.24 million people asking for representation, and then just shrugs. “Eh, maybe next year.”
And you know why? Because it’s too political. They’re worried that Puerto Rico might vote a certain way. “What if they mess up our carefully balanced red and blue map?” So instead, we leave Puerto Rico in this bizarre, colonial limbo where they’re both in the club and out of it. They’re like that “sometimes friend” we call up when we’re bored but wouldn’t invite to an actual dinner party.
Now, don’t get me started on taxes. Puerto Ricans pay federal taxes on goods and services, but unlike states, that money is funneled right out of Puerto Rico. It’s like ordering a pizza, paying for it, and then watching the delivery driver give it to your next-door neighbor. It makes no sense. Puerto Ricans aren’t second-class citizens—they’re the “no-class” citizens, and I mean that in the sense of voting representation. They get no respect, no say, but they still have to foot the bill.
And here’s what’s absurd: the people who won’t do anything about it—the ones sitting in their offices, hand-wringing about the “political complexities” of it all—are no different from the folks at yesterday’s rally. The only difference is, they’re quieter about it. But make no mistake: saying nothing and doing nothing is every bit as bad as screaming slurs in a stadium. If you’re an elected official who’s “uncomfortable” with what MAGA Republicans said about Puerto Rico , then prove it. Make a change. Don’t just sit there pretending that this island of 3.24 million Americans doesn’t deserve a vote.
So here’s the deal, America. Either we’re a democracy or we’re not. Either Puerto Ricans get to be real, full citizens with the right to vote, or we stop lying to ourselves about being the land of the free. It’s time to let Puerto Rico decide its future—either full statehood with voting rights, or genuine self-determination where they can chart their own course. Because if we keep sitting on our hands, just remember: history will judge us right alongside the people spewing horrific rhetoric at Trump’s Madison Square Garden Rally on October 27. And, spoiler alert: history’s got a really low tolerance for hypocrisy.
