Kevin Sorbo. You remember him, right? The guy who played Hercules if Hercules was cast after a five-minute audition outside a GNC? Yeah, that guy. Somehow, even after tanking a career playing a third-rate demigod, he’s found a second wind—on Twitter. Or “X.” Or whatever Elon Musk is calling his vanity project this week.
Now, normally, I don’t like roasting actors for their political opinions. On both sides of the aisle, they seem to think getting recognized at Applebee’s means they’ve earned the right to shape public discourse. But Sorbo? Oh, he’s special. Not in the ‘You belong on Mount Olympus’ way. No, he’s more like the guy who mistook the word ‘democracy’ for ‘audition’ and somehow landed an audience of over two million people. So, despite actual news this week—like, I don’t know, Middle East unrest, a vice presidential debate, or the small matter of nuclear brinkmanship—Kevin Sorbo managed to become the most embarrassing thing on my timeline.
Let’s start with why I called him a “former actor.” No, it’s not because casting directors have been laughing behind his back since the early 2000s, though, trust me, they have. It’s because of this pearl of wisdom he dropped:
“I didn’t get blacklisted from Hollywood. I left because they’re all pedos.”
Oh, okay, Kevin. Sure. And I’m guessing you also “chose” to be dropped from every major production post-Hercules because of a moral high ground, not because your phone has been as silent as a Baptist church during happy hour. Yeah, he “left” Hollywood—just like the kid who “quit” before getting cut from the team.
Then, because alienating one demographic wasn’t enough, Kevin decided to weigh in on abortion—because, apparently, playing a shirtless demigod qualifies you to debate women’s reproductive health. His take?
“Referring to abortion as ‘healthcare’ is like calling slavery ‘Human Resources.’”
Buddy, the only thing more dishonest than that analogy is pretending you were ever in anything after Hercules. You’ve got the credibility of a kid with a toy stethoscope lecturing doctors on how to perform open-heart surgery.
Not done yet, Sorbo decided to go full scorched earth. “Anyone not voting for Trump this time around genuinely hates this country.” That’s right, Kev, anyone not voting for your guy—millions of people, by the way—must absolutely loathe America. This from a man who couldn’t carry a television career past the Bush administration. There are kids in Gen Z who know Hercules better from Disney than from this guy. But, please, tell us more about patriotism.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get dumber, Kevin tweeted a Babylon Bee headline as if it were actual news. You know, satire, Kev? Like that whole “acting” thing you used to do? He quoted the Bee: “After Extensive Research, Political Experts Believe Harris Struggling To Connect With Male Voters Because She’s Awful!” Wow. Either Kevin’s in on the joke and assuming his followers are too dumb to get it, or he actually thinks the Babylon Bee is to journalism what Hercules: The Legendary Journeys was to mythology.
Finally, Sorbo throws in the standard GOP trope about gun control: “The only reasons government would want to take your guns is because they plan on doing something you’d shoot them for.” Kevin, you do realize that both Kamala Harris and Governor Walz are gun owners, right? No? Of course not. That would require fact-checking, which would get in the way of your full-time job tweeting from a La-Z-Boy.
Now, you’re probably thinking, “Okay, he’s a washed-up actor with terrible takes—why single him out this week?” Well, here’s where the line gets crossed.
See, Governor Tim Walz, a dad with bracelets from his kids on his wrist, decided to thank his daughter for the good luck charm before the debate. Cute, right? Nice moment. Kevin Sorbo, not content to be the Hercules of political hot takes, responds with:
“You’re a terrible father.”
Yeah, Kev, because the guy wearing his kids’ bracelets is the one with parenting issues. Not you, the guy who spends his days rage-tweeting conspiracy theories like some washed-up Reddit mod. Kevin Sorbo has all the class and social refinement of an Olde English Bulldogge unleashing a fart.
Look, criticize someone’s politics all you want—go wild—but you do not question a man’s role as a father. There are some things you just don’t touch, like another man’s kids when they haven’t explicitly engaged themselves into politics.
And that, my friends, is why Kevin Sorbo gets the ignominious honor of Skidmark of the Week. Because, much like his acting, it wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad. It was just… embarrassing. Go Trump yourself, Kevin!
Bravo! Loved seeing Him put in His place