Alright, folks, buckle up because this story is wilder than Ross and Rachel’s whole “we were on a break” saga—except this time, the stakes are a little higher. We’re talking about General Mark Milley and Donald Trump, a relationship that went from bromance to “I’m gonna court-martial you” faster than you can say subpoena.
Picture 2019: Trump appoints Milley as Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. It’s all smiles and handshakes like they’re two besties starting a new job together. But like every sitcom where things look great at the start, the cracks start showing. The honeymoon phase doesn’t last long.
Now, jump to 2020, when protests erupt across the country. Trump’s itching to send the military out like they’re on a field trip to Quell the Masses 101, and Milley’s sitting there like, Oh, hell no, this is not what I signed up for. Then, bam, the photo op at St. John’s Church happens—you remember, the one where Trump holds up the Bible like he just found it on eBay? Milley gets dragged along, standing there in full uniform, looking like he wandered into a game of Monopoly and someone just slapped him with a Get Out of Jail Free card.
And then the backlash. It’s like waking up the morning after a wild party and realizing you accidentally live-streamed the whole thing. Milley apologizes quicker than Ross trying to win Rachel back. He’s like, “I shouldn’t have been there,” which, in general-speak, is basically, “I really screwed up, y’all.”
But then, it gets better. As Trump loses the election and starts throwing tantrums like he’s the only kid who didn’t get a toy in the Happy Meal, Milley’s over here comparing Trump’s rhetoric to—you guessed it—Hitler. That’s right, Milley, the guy who’s supposed to be keeping his cool, is telling his inner circle, “This is starting to look like a ‘Reichstag moment,’” which, if you’re not a history buff, is Hitler’s famous power grab in Nazi Germany. Yeah, Milley’s going full-on history teacher here, and it’s not looking good.
And then we hit January 6th, when rioters storm the Capitol like it’s the finale of every disaster movie ever made. Milley’s sitting there thinking, This is exactly what I’ve been trying to tell you. He’s on high alert, making sure Trump doesn’t try to use the military to take back the presidency like some sort of real-life House of Cards episode.
Now, fast forward to today, and Milley’s done playing nice. He’s calling Trump a “fascist to the core,” which, in political terms, is the equivalent of telling someone they’re the Ross in the breakup. Trump, predictably, is furious and starts threatening to court-martial Milley if he’s elected again, because apparently, in Trump’s world, revenge is a dish best served with a subpoena. It’s like Trump’s saying, “If I can’t fire you on The Apprentice, I’ll just court-martial you.”
So, what does this all mean? It means Milley’s not just mad—he’s scared. Scared that Trump, if he gets another shot, will use the military as his own personal army of grudge-holders. And Milley, folks, he’s at the top of Trump’s enemies list. It’s like the guy in a rom-com who broke up with his high school sweetheart and is now worried she’s going to show up at his wedding and ruin everything.
But here’s the thing—this isn’t just a messy breakup. This is about the future of the U.S. military and democracy. If Trump gets back into power, Milley’s out here waving red flags like he’s directing traffic on a highway. Trump, on the other hand, is acting like a guy who thinks the military should be his personal squad of bouncers, ready to kick out anyone who doesn’t agree with him.
So yeah, grab your popcorn because this drama isn’t over, and the stakes? Well, they’re a little higher than just getting dumped on prom night.
