Ah, election season. That magical time of year when candidates shake hands, kiss babies, and—oh right—also somehow convince us to part with our hard-earned cash like we’re at a county fair trying to win a giant stuffed panda. But instead of a panda, you get…a slightly angrier nation and a lot more political ads. And let’s be honest, the ads are everywhere. You can’t even watch a YouTube video about knitting without hearing about the “radical agenda” of your least favorite candidate. It’s as if elections have become the Super Bowl, but instead of touchdowns, it’s just tackles to your wallet.
Take Vice President Kamala Harris, for instance. She’s out there smashing fundraising records like a Girl Scout with a cookie-selling world record. Her campaign has raised nearly $1 billion in this cycle . That’s right—a billion with a ‘B.’ You know, the kind of money that could buy you a dozen islands or fund a lifetime supply of avocado toast for every millennial. But instead, it’s being spent on ads that remind you for the thousandth time that your neighbors are definitely voting wrong.
And not to be outdone, former President Donald Trump is still raking it in, too. In September alone, he raised $160 million . That’s enough to buy a fleet of private jets—or, more practically, about 160 million trips to McDonald’s dollar menu. But what’s he doing with that cash? Ads in battleground states, of course. Because nothing says “please vote for me” like interrupting your Netflix binge with another 30-second montage of waving American flags and foreboding music.
But Harris and Trump are just the tip of this gold-plated iceberg. The real craziness is that all these big bucks aren’t just for presidential races. Oh no, the money train makes plenty of stops along the way. Across the country, there are more than half a million elected offices . Yes, that’s right, there’s an election for every seat that exists, from the president of the United States down to the president of the local ferret appreciation society. And for every one of those, someone’s shaking a can for campaign donations like it’s their full-time gig—which, incidentally, it is.
To put it into perspective, the total estimated spending on the 2024 election cycle is expected to surpass $14 billion . That’s billion, again. As in, if elections were a movie franchise, they’d make “Avatar” look like an indie film. It’s like a never-ending GoFundMe page, except this one doesn’t just blow up your inbox—it blows up the airwaves, your social media feeds, and even those little ads that pop up when you’re just trying to find a recipe for banana bread.
And you might ask, “Where does all this money go?” Well, aside from buying lots of cardboard signs and glossy mailers that nobody asked for, a hefty chunk goes to consultants. Campaign consultants are like the wedding planners of politics, except instead of flower arrangements, they specialize in focus groups, polling, and finding new ways to scare you into donating. And they charge like it too. If you’ve ever wondered why political campaigns feel like a five-star wedding where you’re always the reluctant guest, it’s because those consultants are making sure every detail is overpriced and dramatic.
Let’s not forget those high-priced TV spots. Campaigns will pay millions just for a 30-second ad during prime time. Which, fun fact, is about the same cost as a small yacht—because what better way to get in touch with average Americans than by spending yacht money to tell them how relatable you are?
But the real genius here is that campaigns keep us angry on purpose. Because the angrier you are, the more likely you’ll donate to “fight back.” If you’ve ever received an email with the subject line “ALL HOPE IS LOST!” only to open it and see that, actually, hope is very much alive if you can just chip in $10 before midnight, you know exactly what I’m talking about. It’s like an emotional roller coaster designed by your most manipulative ex. “The other side is raising money! They’re beating us! Do you want to see them win?” And suddenly, you’re reaching for your wallet like you’re at a church revival, except the sermon is about tax policy.
It’s honestly wild that we let this happen. Campaign spending in America is like a never-ending Black Friday sale, except we’re all buying the same thing: ads, slogans, and sometimes, yard signs that mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night (thanks, neighbor). Other countries have caps on campaign spending or keep election seasons short and sweet, like a nice summer romance. But here in the U.S., we let the campaigns drag on like a high school relationship, with way more drama and way less sense.
In short, our system is bleeding us drier than a televangelist on his third private jet. The difference is that instead of promising eternal salvation, these campaigns are promising slightly better roads or tax policies that may or may not impact you. And yet, we keep buying in, because what choice do we have? Maybe it’s time we come up with a new system. One that doesn’t involve turning every election into a reality show, complete with cliffhangers and fundraising gimmicks. Until then, we’re stuck with this political Hunger Games, where the real winners are the TV stations and consultants cashing in on all that ad money.
So next time you get a fundraising email that makes you feel like the sky is falling, remember: you’re not just a voter—you’re a very valuable customer.
