Alright, folks, settle in because last night, America made a choice. And it’s not the kind of choice where things are looking up. No, no — Because when given the choice between Champagne and Draino, voters inexplicably reached for the Draino and then sidled up for a refill, and it looks like possibly another (The House has not yet been called but mark my words: The House is staying with the Republicans). That’s right. Last night, Americans handed Donald J. Trump — convicted criminal, wannabe authoritarian, reality-TV-turned-real-life villain — the keys to the White House, again— this time with an ax to grind and unfettered power! I can’t imagine how that could ever bite us in the collective ass…
It’s like giving Freddy Krueger not only a set of knives but also the deed to your house.
And it’s not like we didn’t know what we were signing up for. We were warned. People literally said, “Hey, don’t put the guy who is openly promising revenge and punishment back in charge.” But here we are, proving that in America, the way to get ahead isn’t by working hard and being decent — it’s by racking up convictions and promising to go full-on “dictator chic.”
Now, it’s not just Trump who’s back. Oh no, we’ve got an all-star cast of enablers joining him for the ride. Ted Cruz, the guy who ditched Texas for Cancun while his constituents froze, is back. He’ll be in the Senate, ready to sign off on everything except his own ambition. Marjorie Taylor Greene, who sees conspiracy theories the way most of us see oxygen, won her race and is primed to spread more chaos. And Lauren Boebert, who thinks of Congress as a standup comedy club for extremists, is also staying. These folks aren’t just symbols of a system gone wrong — they’re proof that we’re doubling down on the dysfunction.
And just in case you think it might just be dysfunctional, let’s get real: Trump’s re-election isn’t about governance. It’s about vengeance. We’re talking perp walks — picture the Bidens, the Clintons, the Obamas being dragged out in handcuffs while Trump watches from his gold-plated throne. And no, this isn’t just political theater; it’s an agenda. The man’s got a list, and he’s about to unleash the power of the government to take down everyone he thinks crossed him.
Now, for those of you thinking, “Well, at least there’s a chance he’ll go to prison,” sure. That would be Judge Juan Merchan’s November 26th sentencing for Trump’s previous convictions. But let’s be honest, folks — he’s not going to jail. He’s going to waltz through with probation or maybe some community service, probably right there on the White House lawn. And if, by some cosmic twist, he does end up behind bars, meet your new president, JD Vance — because this nightmare doesn’t end; it just shifts gears.
So, where does that leave us? Well, get ready. You might want to secure your assets somewhere the government can’t touch. Lay low, keep your head down. And yeah, you might even want to think about arming yourself. This is not the America we grew up with. It’s not even the America we recognize. It’s an America where Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and Ted Cruz have the power to help tear down everything that once held us together.
This isn’t just a dark chapter; it’s a descent into something worse. And if you think there’s some way out, well, I hate to break it to you, but there isn’t a happy ending in sight. This is it—America: 1776–2024. Welcome to the long, dark spiral. I wish I had some good news in all of this.
I don’t.
