Alright, folks, strap in, because we’re not just in a democracy anymore—we’re in a “choose your own adventure” novel where Trump keeps flipping to the pages where he wins, no matter what. Politico’s done the hard work of laying out exactly how Trump’s planning to overturn the 2024 election if he doesn’t get the outcome he wants. And trust me, this is no small conspiracy theory from your cousin with a tinfoil hat—this is a legitimate blueprint, like an IKEA manual for dismantling democracy. In an article, ominously but appropriately titled, “The Very Real Scenario Where Trump Loses and Takes Power Anyway” Politico just scared the living hell out of me just in time for Halloween, and I thought I would return the favor. (You’re welcome)
So, let’s break it down step by step, and I promise to keep it funny enough that you don’t spiral into existential dread. Ready?
Step 1: Lawsuits, Lawsuits, Lawsuits
Remember 2020, when Trump treated lawsuits like Black Friday deals? Well, get ready for 2024: Lawsuitpalooza, the remix. The plan here is to hit the courts harder than a personal injury lawyer during a snowstorm. Trump and his legal team (and I use “team” loosely—think the Washington Generals to democracy’s Harlem Globetrotters) are going to challenge election results in every swing state, every county, and probably your local bake sale if they think it’ll help.
The goal? Delay the certification of results long enough to sow confusion and, more importantly, give time for…
Step 2: “Alternate Electors” (A.K.A. Election Gate Crashers)
Now, picture this: You’re at a fancy party. You’re on the list, but then some guy shows up in flip-flops with a fake ID and says, “Nah, I’m supposed to be here too.” That guy? He’s an alternate elector. If Trump can’t win the legitimate vote, he’s hoping to convince swing states with Republican legislatures to send their own handpicked electors to the Electoral College. Think of it like storming the gates of the Super Bowl and demanding to play quarterback because you really believe you’re the MVP, no matter what the scoreboard says.
These alternate electors would claim to represent the “true will” of the people—because who needs those pesky ballots when you’ve got alternate reality?
Step 3: Congressional Chaos (a.k.a. The Jan. 6 Encore)
Now, here’s where it gets even more bonkers. Let’s say we’ve got competing slates of electors. The Democrats have the ones that reflect, you know, the actual votes, and the Republicans trot out the alternates like they’re auditioning for a new reality show: America’s Got Corruption. The next stop is Congress, where these votes are supposed to be counted.
And this is where it’s all hands on deck, folks. Trump is banking on Republican allies in Congress to throw out the legitimate electors in favor of his alternate crew. It’s like losing a game of Monopoly, flipping the board, and then declaring yourself the winner because you “felt” like you won. The goal is to get enough Republicans to object to the certification of the real results, especially in swing states, and deny Kamala Harris the 270 electoral votes needed to win.
At that point, under the 12th Amendment, the election would get thrown to the House of Representatives. And here’s the kicker: the House doesn’t vote by individual members; it votes by state delegation. And guess who has the majority of state delegations? You guessed it: Republicans. So, suddenly, Trump is back in the White House, and democracy is left outside in the rain, staring at the window like a rejected rom-com protagonist.
Step 4: Get Your History Books Ready
If you’re thinking, “This sounds like a one-time thing, right? Surely no one has tried this before.” Well, let me take you back to 1876—no, not the year your uncle insists was better because “people respected each other more”—but the actual presidential election between Rutherford B. Hayes and Samuel Tilden. Tilden won the popular vote, but thanks to some nifty electoral shenanigans in a few Southern states, Congress stepped in and handed the presidency to Hayes. There were backroom deals, last-minute compromises, and everyone pretending like it wasn’t a total disaster for democracy. It was like “The Real Housewives of Reconstruction,” only with fewer wine glasses being thrown.
And Trump is betting we’ll let history repeat itself because, as we all know, Americans have the attention span of a goldfish binge-watching Netflix.
Step 5: The Consequences? You Decide
If Trump pulls this off, we’re not just talking about a second term—oh no, we’re talking about the long-term implications of letting someone bulldoze the democratic process like it’s a condemned building. It sets a precedent that says, “Hey, if you don’t like losing, just make up your own rules.” That’s not democracy, folks—that’s Monopoly, and we’re all just the pieces Trump wants to control.
Politico’s laying this out for us because it’s not just another news cycle scare—this is a legit scenario that could play out in real time. The blueprints are there, the groundwork’s being laid, and unless we get serious about protecting the process, we could be watching the credits roll on democracy’s final act.
So, what’s the takeaway here? Stay vigilant. Learn from history. And for the love of all things constitutional, don’t let your government turn into an escape room where the only clue is “How do we get Trump back in power?”
Remember, democracy isn’t a spectator sport—it’s a full-contact sport. And right now, Trump’s lining up like he’s ready to knock the refs out of the game entirely. This one’s for all the marbles, people. (Also, do kids even play marbles anymore?)
