Imagine, if you will, a world where Kamala Harris, not Donald Trump, were out here stirring the pot with reckless abandon. Picture this: She’s on stage at a rally and, out of nowhere, drops, “You know, was really well-endowed.” Can you hear the gasps? The watermelon Sean Hannity uses for a head would literally explode like Gallagher doing a live show. The analysts would be live-tweeting meltdowns, the press would lose their minds, and social media would implode. People would collectively assume she’d gone off the deep end.
Now picture Harris delivering a passionate speech about wealth inequality, but then—oh no—a fly buzzes past, and she blurts out, “See? Even the billionaires are controlling the flies now!” Imagine the memes! Twitter would be on fire within seconds. People would start asking, “Did she just accuse billionaires of running a fly conspiracy?” The media would be dissecting it for days, questioning her grasp on reality.
But wait, it gets crazier. Harris looks dead serious and starts calling billionaires “vile animals” and “stone-cold killers” (the way Trump spoke of immigrants)—not exactly a typical policy critique, right? Then she takes it further and compares them to Hannibal Lecter, calling him the “late, great” as if he were an actual beloved figure. What do you think would happen? Every news outlet would lose it. “Is Kamala romanticizing a fictional cannibal?” The press would have a field day.
Then, the cherry on top: imagine Harris accusing her political opponent—no evidence, no receipts—of being “hopped up on drugs” during debates. Cue the collective gasp. This is the kind of move that would turn her campaign into a full-blown circus. News networks would be running with this for weeks. We’d all be sitting there watching as pundits picked apart her mental state, saying, “Has Kamala gone full Charlie Sheen on us?” (Mind you, to be fair, maybe Kamala SHOULD be publicly asking if Donald Trump is on drugs. Maybe we all should)
And if you thought that was the end, think again. She goes back to the Hannibal Lecter metaphor, saying hedge fund managers “feast on the dogs and cats and the vulnerable” just like Lecter on his gourmet meals. The headlines would be unstoppable: “Kamala Harris Calls CEOs Cannibals!” Her political career would unravel faster than JD could roll off of his couch and exclaim “It’s not what it looks like, honey. I was just having a nap!”
But here’s the kicker—these aren’t Harris’s words. Nope, these are all Trump gems. Real ones, from the world of “Oh my god! He really said that! Just this weekend in Latrobe Pennsylvania, he said of the late (hometown favorite son) Arnold Palmer—I kid you not—“Arnold Palmer was all man… When he took showers with the other pros they came out of there, they said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’” FROM THE FREAKIN’ REPUBLICAN NOMINEE FOR THE PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES!!!!
And what’s the reaction from his base? “Oh, that’s just Trump being Trump!” Like that makes it better! As if, in a country of 331 million people, they can’t find anyone else to represent their values who doesn’t spout off about a golf legend’s… um, “showers”. The excuse is always something like, “I don’t care if he says crazy stuff as long as my groceries cost less.” Oh really? Because I’ve seen people get fired from Trader Joe’s for less.
Listen, I’ve had untrained dogs with more self-awareness and manners. Speaking of dogs: For the love of all things holy, will someone please put a muzzle and a leash on this one and tell him to stop barking?!?!?!?
The double standard here is wild. If Kamala Harris said half of this stuff, her career would be over before the rally even ended. You know it and I know it! We’d all be glued to the TV, watching her political demise in real-time. And honestly, we wouldn’t be wrong to question it! Not doing so would be ludicrous! News Flash: The would-be-emperor has no clothes!!!
Here’s the thing (and I cannot stress this enough): the normalization of this erratic, unhinged rhetoric should concern everyone—whether you’re Team Blue, Team Red, or just Team Please Make It Stop. We all deserve better than this, and if we wouldn’t accept it from Kamala Harris, maybe it’s time we stop accepting it from anyone. I can’t even believe I have to even take the time to say things like this! FML!
