Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ (nod to you Claire Fraser fans out there)! I can’t believe this is even a discussion in America. I swear to God, we have entered the Twilight Zone! Somebody wake me the hell up! Yeah. I’m talking about Trump’s latest wild idea.
Apparently, he’s decided that deporting Americans—yes, Americans—could be his new thing. Specifically, he wants to send Jack Smith, the guy prosecuting him, right out of the country, like he’s hosting some kind of reality show where he just shouts “You’re fired!” and some poor PA grabs the nearest citizen and hauls them offstage. Now, you’d think he might realize you can’t deport U.S. citizens, but Trump’s never let “facts” get in his way.
Imagine him sitting around with his advisors, pitching this idea like it’s a Shark Tank deal. “Alright, folks, here’s the plan: we just start deporting people who annoy me!” They’re probably blinking at him, like, “Sir, um, we can’t actually deport Americans.” But he’s not listening. He’s got the vision of this grand, dictator-esque lineup: people who said mean things on Twitter, critics who questioned his spelling on Truth Social—all of them just swept right out of the U.S. in one glorious wave of nonsense.
And let’s not skip over his second idea. He’s calling for deporting the “mentally deranged.” First of all, if anyone’s been acting a little “deranged” lately, it’s the guy suggesting we deport prosecutors. But imagine this new mental health program: instead of getting help, you get a one-way ticket out of the country. “Congratulations, you’ve been selected for the 2025 Dictator Cruise Line! Now departing for Nowheresville!” It’s like he’s rewriting the Constitution with crayons and forgetting that due process is a thing.
Critics have not been subtle about this one. Kamala Harris straight-up called him a “fascist.” John Kelly, his former chief of staff, said Trump admires dictators. That’s right—Kelly basically said Trump looks at authoritarian regimes the way kids look at candy stores. It’s like he sees North Korea and thinks, “Yeah, they’ve got it figured out.” Every time he opens his mouth lately, he’s like a karaoke singer who keeps hitting the wrong notes and somehow gets louder each time. And yet, his supporters just keep clapping along, like, “Hey, it’s our guy!”
This latest move feels like he’s building his own “Greatest Dictator Hits” album. Each time he talks, he drops a new track: “Deport Your Enemies,” “Jail the Media,” “Praise the Strongmen.” It’s like he’s crafting his very own karaoke playlist, but instead of singing “Sweet Caroline,” he’s belting out “Purge Your Rivals.” And then we all just have to sit here, stunned, wondering when it’s going to dawn on him that the Constitution isn’t a buffet where he can just skip over the amendments he doesn’t like.
I mean, the idea of deporting Jack Smith would be funny if it weren’t terrifying. You can practically see Trump rubbing his hands together like an old-timey cartoon villain, dreaming up new ways to throw people out of “his” country. At this point, he’s like a mix between a Bond villain and your uncle at Thanksgiving who starts a rant about how things were better “back in his day.” And now he’s eyeing his next move, like, “Alright, we’ll just deport anyone who doesn’t root for my team.”
Imagine trying to explain this to a kid in a history class one day: “Well, sweetie, there was a president who wanted to deport his own citizens.” Kid looks at you like you’re describing a Marvel villain. Meanwhile, Trump’s out here, half-thinking he’s got the superpowers to rewrite federal law with his morning tweet. Every time he speaks, it’s like watching someone try to put out a fire with a flamethrower.
But, you know, for now, it’s just talk. The crazy uncle at the political dinner table, firing off ideas nobody asked for. We laugh, we roll our eyes, but maybe it’s time to start taking these dictator daydreams a little more seriously. After all, history’s taught us: it’s always funny until it’s not.
