Oh, Cyber Monday—our national holiday for sitting in pajamas, eating leftover pie straight from the tin, and buying crap we absolutely don’t need. I mean, nothing says “Happy Holidays” like panic-buying a meat smoker for your vegan cousin because it’s 90% off. But hold on to your Wi-Fi, folks, because the FBI has issued a warning: Cyber Monday is also Scammer Monday. And these scammers? They’re out here working harder than your mom at a Zumba class.
Let’s start with the fake websites. These scammers are like your ex on Tinder—looking good at first glance, but take a closer look and you’ll see the red flags. These websites look real enough to fool even your nosiest aunt. They’ve got stolen logos, fake reviews, and prices so low they make you question reality. Oh, a Peloton for $29.99? Sure, Jan. You click “buy,” and then, poof! Your money vanishes faster than my patience during a family reunion.
The FBI says you should inspect the URL for spelling mistakes. Right. Like that’s gonna happen when we’re frantically trying to snag a deal before it sells out. “Oh, it says Amazzon-dot-com? Seems legit!” Listen, if the website URL looks like someone mashed their face on the keyboard, it’s probably not the real deal.
Then there’s social media—where the scammers really shine. They’ve got these ads for everything: designer bags, tech gadgets, even “luxury” toilet paper. And they know what you want because the algorithm is basically Santa Claus on steroids. It’s like, “Oh, you searched for ‘earwax remover’ once in 2018? Here are 47 ads for earwax vacuums at 80% off!” You click, you pay, and what do you get? A knockoff that breaks before you can even say, “What the hell?”
Let’s talk payment methods. These scammers are slick. They don’t want your credit card. Oh, no. They’re asking for gift cards and wire transfers. Really? Who falls for that? What’s next, a carrier pigeon? “Yes, I’ll send my payment in unmarked Monopoly money.” Come on, people! If someone asks you to pay for a laptop with a gift card, that’s not a deal—that’s a mugging in slow motion.
And phishing emails? These are my favorite. You open your inbox, and there it is: “Your Amazon order has been delayed. Click here to fix it.” You’re thinking, “I didn’t order anything from Amazon… or did I?” Next thing you know, you’ve clicked the link, entered your bank info, and BAM! You’re officially dumber than the turkey you just ate.
The FBI says if you get one of these emails, don’t click the link. Instead, go to the company’s website directly to check. Oh, sure, because everyone has time to play detective when there’s a 50% off flash sale on “Snuggie for Two.” Right. Let’s just be honest—half of us would click that link faster than a toddler on a candy button.
But here’s the thing: you can protect yourself if you’re not a total idiot. First, use a credit card. That way, if you get scammed, at least you can cancel the charge and not feel like a complete moron. Second, look for “https” in the URL. The “s” stands for “secure.” No “s”? No dice. And third, if a deal seems too good to be true, it probably is. Trust me, no one’s selling a $2,000 TV for 50 bucks unless it fell off a truck—and even then, you’re probably getting a box of bricks.
So, folks, as you dive into the magical world of Cyber Monday, remember: the deals are sweet, but the scams are sweeter. Stay smart, stay safe, and for the love of all things holy, stop clicking random links! Because if you fall for one of these scams, guess what? You’re not just getting ripped off. You’re officially part of the circus. And honey, the clowns are laughing at you.
