Alright, folks, grab your rubber gloves and bleach, because we’ve got a situation that’s grosser than an overstuffed porta-potty at Coachella. ANSWERS Pet Food—the gourmet, organic, farm-raised, free-range whatever you’ve been feeding your precious fur baby—turns out to be a petri dish of salmonella and listeria. That’s right, the folks at Lystn LLC are out here serving up a bacteria buffet for your dog, and now the FDA’s had to step in like a mom at Chuck E. Cheese screaming, “WHO LET THIS HAPPEN?!”
So, what went down? The FDA, probably tired of waiting for Lystn to pull their heads out of their asses, decided to test some unopened food samples because, you know, someone’s gotta be the adult around here. And lo and behold, both salmonella and listeria were just chilling in your dog’s dinner like uninvited guests at a wedding. The FDA sounded the alarm quicker than you can say “bad kibble,” while Lystn LLC was over there dragging their feet, like they weren’t dishing out food that could send your dog on the express train to Sickville.
Now, if you think this is just a bad day for your dog, guess again. Listeria doesn’t just stop at the bowl—it’s coming for YOU too! You handle that food, don’t wash your hands, and boom—you’ve got a front-row seat to a bacterial nightmare. For your dog, we’re talking vomiting, diarrhea, fever, and dehydration. Basically, every symptom that makes you regret everything in life. And for you? You’re looking at stomach cramps, vomiting, and the kind of bathroom experience that makes you think, “Yep, this is it. This is how I go.” In extreme cases, it’s like playing bacterial roulette with your life, because who knew dog food could kill you?
Now, why did the FDA have to kick down the door and take over like they’re the only ones with a brain? Oh, because Lystn LLC was moving slower than a snail on NyQuil, that’s why. Even after the FDA was like, “Yo, you need to recall this biohazard NOW,” Lystn hesitated, probably thinking they could just sprinkle some fairy dust on it and make the salmonella disappear. NEWS FLASH: That’s not how science works, people. Eventually, they did recall some of their beef and chicken products, but not before who knows how many people and pets were already exposed to this bacterial time bomb. Nice work, guys. Really killing it.
So, what should you do if you’ve got this toxic trash lurking in your pantry? It’s easy. THROW. IT. OUT. I’m talking yeet that bag of dog food into the trash like you’re throwing your ex’s hoodie out the window. Don’t even think twice. Then, grab every disinfectant you own and scrub your kitchen like you’re auditioning for a role in Breaking Bad. Clean every surface, bowl, counter—hell, you might want to disinfect the dog just for good measure. And don’t forget to check the FDA website for all the details how to keep from turning your kitchen into a bacterial crime scene.
Also, keep an eye on your dog. If they start looking at you like they’ve been to doggy hell and back, it’s time to hit up the vet. And brace yourself, because that vet bill is going to be as painful as the bacteria itself.
So here’s the bottom line: ANSWERS Pet Food dropped the ball harder than a clumsy juggler at a circus, the FDA had to swoop in and play babysitter, and now it’s on you to save your household from turning into a bacterial horror show. Toss that contaminated kibble like it’s cursed, scrub your kitchen like you’re trying to erase evidence, and for the love of all that’s holy, don’t let dog food be the thing that takes you out.
