Alright, sit down, grab your favorite weatherproof beverage, and buckle up because the hurricane rumor mill has been spinning faster than Helene’s wind speeds. It’s like someone invited your conspiracy-loving uncle and a weather reporter to the same party, and they decided to collaborate on a really bad horror movie. So here we go: the wildest, dumbest, and most hilarious Hurricane Helene rumors floating around.
1. “FEMA is hoarding supplies!”
Ah, yes. Because when disaster strikes, the top priority for a government agency is to stuff their offices with cans of soup and bottled water like they’re prepping for the End Times… or just a bad Super Bowl Sunday. Look, FEMA is actually out there trying to help, coordinating relief efforts, not stocking up for their annual “Survive the Zombie Apocalypse” retreat. Meanwhile, actual pilots are flying supplies into North Carolina because, you know, community matters and all that practical stuff.
2. “Helene was created by a secret weather machine!”
Oh, please. If we had the technology to control the weather, we’d be using it to schedule a rain-free music festival season and make sure everyone has sunny vacation days—not to drown half of North Carolina and ruin my weekend hike plans. Some people out there seem to think we’ve got a Bond villain sitting in a lair somewhere, twirling his mustache, laughing maniacally as he unleashes storms. Spoiler: the only machine we have that “creates” hurricanes is called climate change. Look it up.
3. “It’s a plot to ruin the election!”
Yes, because flooding towns, destroying homes, and killing power for millions sounds exactly like how politicians want to win votes. “Hey, I know how to get people on my side—let’s send a deadly storm their way!” The level of planning that would take is beyond what most can manage on a group chat, let alone coordinate with nature itself. Meanwhile, officials are actually busy responding to the real fallout, not sitting around brainstorming ways to make your trip to the polls soggier.
4. “Hurricane Helene was sent to target specific states!”
Sure, because the hurricane checked its GPS before it made landfall and thought, “Alright, let’s mess up some Republican areas.” Hurricanes don’t care about your voting record. They don’t stop and say, “Wait, this is a swing state—better skip this one.” Helene dumped rain everywhere, giving a new definition to “bipartisan disaster.” She didn’t discriminate; she drenched everyone from the Carolinas to Georgia, sweeping through the Southeast like a badly aimed fire hose.
5. “FEMA is blocking flights to keep people in the disaster zone!”
And my personal favorite: the idea that FEMA is staging some kind of air blockade. If you think FEMA has an elite squadron of jets patrolling the skies, then I have some beachfront property in Arizona to sell you. In reality, airspace restrictions happen to make room for actual emergency responses, like, oh I don’t know, flying in supplies? Not because someone wants to trap you in your waterlogged living room. But hey, don’t let facts get in the way of a good paranoia-fueled story.
So, in conclusion, maybe instead of spreading rumors like peanut butter on a sandwich, we focus on the real problems at hand—like how we’re going to clean up this mess and get back to normal. And maybe, just maybe, we leave the wild conspiracy theories where they belong: in the reject pile of a sci-fi writer’s notebook.
