JD Vance, Trump’s pick for vice president in 2024, seems to have one thing on his mind: babies. Not his own kids—your kids. This guy has made it his mission to talk about why Americans aren’t having enough children, and the reasons he comes up with? Absolutely nuts.
Car Seats are Killing the Birth Rate?
Let’s start with the weirdest claim: Vance said that part of the reason Americans aren’t having more kids is because of car seat regulations. In a 2022 speech, Vance blamed declining birth rates on the hassle of having to buy car seats for every kid. That’s right—he’s out here suggesting that the reason people are saying “no thanks” to a fourth child is because they can’t cram more car seats into their SUVs. He really thinks car seat laws are a bigger obstacle to family planning than, say, healthcare costs or student debt.
This is where you have to wonder: Does this guy even talk to real people?
“Childless Cat Ladies” Are Running the Country?
In 2021, Vance went on Tucker Carlson Tonight and took aim at the so-called “childless elites” in Washington, calling them “childless cat ladies” and accusing them of leading the country astray. He specifically called out politicians like Kamala Harris and Pete Buttigieg—both of whom actually have families, by the way. The message was clear: if you don’t have kids, you don’t care about the future of America. It’s a weird, retro take that feels like it was pulled straight out of 1950s suburbia. Apparently, to Vance, parenthood is the only qualification that matters for leadership.
It’s also bizarre that Vance seems so obsessed with other people’s personal lives. Is he running for office or running the PTA?
Give Parents More Votes?
One of Vance’s wildest ideas came in 2021 when he suggested that parents should get more votes than non-parents. Yeah, he actually proposed that moms and dads get extra votes in elections because they have “a stake in the future” that childless people apparently don’t. He called the decline in birth rates a “civilizational crisis,” and his solution was to hand out extra ballots based on how many kids you have.
This is where things move from “weird” to “dystopian.” Vance essentially wants to tie your voting power to your reproductive choices. So what, no kids means you don’t get a say in democracy? Maybe next he’ll propose counting diapers as tax deductions.
A Civilizational Crisis?
Vance repeatedly frames declining birth rates as some kind of impending doom. He’s called it a “civilizational crisis” on several occasions, suggesting that if Americans don’t start having more babies, the country is on the brink of collapse. It’s a wild oversimplification of a complex issue, but Vance seems convinced that the only way to fix the country’s problems is by convincing people to churn out more kids.
It’s a strange hill to die on, especially when you consider the actual issues preventing people from having children—things like skyrocketing housing costs, lack of paid family leave, and unaffordable childcare. But none of that seems to interest Vance. Nope, it’s all about those declining birth rates and how America’s future is tied to how many strollers we can push down the street.
At this point, JD Vance’s baby obsession is starting to feel like a bad stand-up routine. He’s running for vice president, yet he’s more interested in talking about why Americans aren’t having more kids than in addressing the real issues affecting families. Whether it’s blaming car seats, attacking “childless elites,” or suggesting we upend democracy to give parents more votes, Vance’s fixation on reproduction is bizarre—and honestly, kind of creepy. Maybe instead of worrying about how many kids you’re having, JD should focus on fixing the things that actually stop families that already exist from thriving?
But hey, what do I know? I only get one vote.
