By: Someone Trying to Pay Rent While Trump Plays Monopoly With History
Alright, folks, buckle up, because Donald Trump—yes, the man whose hair defies gravity and logic—is back at it. This time, he’s taking a break from pretending like he is gonna run the country… or ruin it again—or whatever he’s doing—to announce that he wants to make Ground Zero a national monument. Finally! Right? I mean, it’s been over 20 years, and the government hadn’t officially stamped it as a “monument” yet. What a relief! I was getting nervous someone might throw up a donut shop down there.
Imagine sitting in a room with Trump, and he’s like, “You know what we need? We need to make Ground Zero a monument!” And someone—probably someone who still has student loans, medical bills, or just the dream of affording a sandwich in New York—goes, “Yeah, sure, Don, but, uh, how about we talk about rent first?” But no, no, no, that’s not going to get the cameras rolling. Can’t miss out on the chance for a nice little photo op.
Now, I don’t want to downplay the significance of Ground Zero—let’s be clear—it’s sacred ground. But let’s also not pretend it’s on the chopping block. What’s next? Declaring the Grand Canyon “big”? Announcing water is wet? If Trump’s trying to convince people he’s making changes, why not focus on something that actually needs saving? Like, I don’t know, my checking account?
And what’s he gonna do when the news breaks? “Folks, we’ve done it, we made Ground Zero a monument. It’s official. Now no one can build a coffee shop on top of it.” Really, Don? Was there a city planner somewhere just rubbing their hands together, going, “Man, I can’t wait to sneak in a fast food joint there next week!”?
Meanwhile, across the country, people are trying to figure out how to put gas in their car so they can drive to the two jobs they need to survive. And Trump’s over here like, “You know what’ll fix this? More monuments!” Monuments are great, but can they pay for groceries? You can’t hand the cashier a national monument and walk out with milk and eggs. But go ahead, Don, tell us more about your plans for immortalizing things that already exist.
Let’s face it, this whole thing is the political equivalent of picking out new curtains when the house is on fire. “Look at these drapes! Aren’t they magnificent? Don’t worry about the smoke, the new monument will distract you from your impending financial collapse!”
I can see it now—Trump standing at Ground Zero, squinting into the sun like he’s about to drop some world-changing news. Then he turns to the camera with that little smirk, like he’s giving us the cure for cancer. “We’ve done it. It’s a monument. And it’s beautiful. The best. People are talking about it.”
Oh, they’re talking, alright. Mostly about how this doesn’t pay their rent. But sure, great, let’s slap a plaque on something that no one was going to mess with anyway, and call it a victory. It’s like throwing confetti at a birthday party and expecting people to call you a magician. Yeah, Trump, you’re really shaking things up here.
But don’t worry. After this, he’ll be onto the next groundbreaking revelation: announcing that beaches are now officially sandy, or that air is now, get this… breatheable. Stay tuned, folks! More monumental moments brought to you by the master of the obvious, Donald J. Trump.
