Redd Tirdwatter is the resident floater at Political Colonoscopy, where he's been haunting the newsroom like a grizzled specter for longer than anyone cares to remember. A throwback to the days when journalists smoked like chimneys and banged out stories on typewriters, Redd’s colleagues whisper that he once turned in a story scrawled in blood—his own—just to meet a deadline. No one’s entirely sure if that’s true, but given his general demeanor, it seems plausible.

Known for his sharp wit and sharper temper, Redd's the guy everyone’s a little afraid of but too smart to underestimate. He's as likely to tear through a politician’s alibi as he is to growl at a colleague for “softening the copy.” In the newsroom, he's infamous for having a no-nonsense attitude. One time, a fresh-faced intern tried to offer him a cappuccino—Redd just stared, muttered something about "cappuccino being for the weak," and proceeded to guzzle a thermos full of black sludge that may or may not have been coffee.

Proudly cranky and curmudgeonly, Redd lives for the thrill of eviscerating political spin, with no patience for fluff or pleasantries. He doesn’t just smell a rat—he’ll corner it, roast it, and serve it on a platter for the rest of the newsroom to admire. And while his colleagues tiptoe around his cubicle, they know that when Redd’s on the case, no one’s getting away with anything. If you need the unvarnished truth—and don’t mind being terrified in the process—he’s your man.

In a world of tweets, TikToks, and ten-second news cycles, Redd Tirdwatter is an unshakable force of nature, proudly proclaiming himself to be the last bastion of real journalism, where the only spin allowed is the one in his Rolodex.

Redd's contributions to Political Colonoscopy can be found here.