Let me tell you about what happened in Congress yesterday. The House of Representatives passed a defense bill—$895 billion. Billion with a “B.” That’s a lot of money. That’s more zeros than most of us will ever see in our lives. And for what? It’s a defense bill! It’s supposed to be about tanks, jets, and making sure our troops have enough money to not eat ramen for dinner every night!
And they actually did something good—give them credit—they put in a pay raise for the troops. A 14.5% bump for junior enlisted personnel! Finally, someone realized, “Hey, maybe the people putting their lives on the line for the country shouldn’t have to also live in poverty.” Wow, what a concept! But then… THEN… they couldn’t just leave it at that. Oh no. This is Congress, and nothing can ever just make sense.
They had to stick in a little poison pill. A sneaky little hand grenade right in the middle of the bill. They added a provision that bans military health insurance from covering gender-affirming care for minors. Why? WHY?! Because apparently, the biggest threat to national security isn’t China, Russia, or even climate change—it’s trans kids getting healthcare!
It’s a defense bill! DEFENSE! You know, like soldiers, guns, ships? It’s not supposed to be a damned culture war casserole! But no, some genius—probably the kind of guy who thinks ketchup is a vegetable—decided, “You know what would make this bill better? Let’s use it to score some cheap points with our base by punching down on a marginalized group.” Because nothing says “supporting the troops” like making their families’ lives harder.
And it’s not just cruel—it’s stupid. Military families already deal with enough crap! They’re constantly moving, sacrificing stability, and now they’ve got to figure out how to take care of their kids because Congress decided to play political Calvinball with their healthcare.
And here’s the kicker: the Republicans who shoved this into the bill claim they’re doing it to “protect the children.” Protect the children? Oh, come on! If you really cared about protecting kids, you’d focus on schools, healthcare, and making sure they don’t get shot in math class! But no, instead, you’re out here banning medically necessary treatments because it makes you feel morally superior.
And the Democrats—oh, the Democrats—they’re stuck in this Kafkaesque nightmare. Do they vote against the bill because of this horrible provision and look like they don’t support pay raises for the troops? Or do they vote for it and let this disgusting attack on trans kids slide? It’s a no-win situation! And you know what? THAT’S THE POINT! This wasn’t an accident. This was a trap. A booby-trap designed to divide, distract, and piss everyone off.
So now the bill goes to the Senate, where hopefully someone has the spine to strip out this nonsense and focus on what the bill is actually supposed to do—defend the goddamn country! But let’s be real: it’s Congress, and that’s asking for a miracle.
In the meantime, the troops get a pay raise, but their families get shafted. And we’re left wondering, once again, why the people we elect to govern seem to care more about scoring ideological points than actually, you know, GOVERNING. Unbelievable!
